Hexagram 44 Gou Meaning: Why 94 Line of Preponderance of the Great Makes You Stronger Under Pressure — "Dong Long Zhi Ji" (Ridgepole Rising Brings Good Fortune): Stability Comes From Support Below

Why do people facing the same level of stress end up with completely different outcomes?

Some people crumble the moment pressure hits.

Others grow stronger the more pressure they face.

Where does the gap come from?

The Nine in the Fourth Place (九四) of the Preponderance of the Great (大過卦) states: "栋隆，吉，有它吝" (The ridgepole rises up; good fortune. If there are other troubles, there will be humiliation).

When the main beam arches upward, it is auspicious. But if other problems arise, things will still be difficult.

For the same beam, the Nine in the Third Place (九三) is described as "栋桡" (the ridgepole sags downward) — an inauspicious sign.

The Nine in the Fourth Place (九四) is "栋隆" (the ridgepole arches upward) — an auspicious sign.

Why is there such a big difference for the same beam?

Because below the Nine in the Third Place there is nothing but empty space, while below the Nine in the Fourth Place there are people holding it up.

The Beam Doesn’t Bend Because There Are Pillars Beneath It

Why can a beam support the weight above it?

It’s not because the beam itself is super hard. No matter how tough a beam is, it will bend if its span is too wide.

It’s because there are pillars under the beam.

The more pillars there are, the more stable the beam.

The thicker the pillars, the more weight the beam can bear.

It’s the same with people.

Do you think people who can handle major crises do it solely because they’re exceptionally strong on their own?

Not entirely.

Look closely, and you’ll find that behind every person who can carry great burdens, there’s a group of people holding them up:

- People who succeed in entrepreneurship have a reliable team behind them

- People with happy families have supportive family members behind them

- People with smooth careers have a group of trusting friends behind them

On the surface, it looks like they’re carrying everything alone, but in reality, a whole group of people is lifting them up.

This is the difference between the Nine in the Fourth Place and the Nine in the Third Place:

The Nine in the Third Place thinks, "I have to carry this all by myself," and ends up unable to bear the weight, bending under pressure.

The Nine in the Fourth Place knows to "find people to carry it together," and ends up growing more stable the more it bears, rising strong.

Why So Many People Are Reluctant to Ask for Help

We all understand the logic, so why do so many people still insist on carrying everything alone?

There are three reasons.

Reason 1: Thinking Asking for Help Is a Sign of Weakness

We’ve been taught since childhood to "do your own things by yourself" and "don’t trouble others."

So a lot of people think asking for help equals being useless.

But think about it:

- When you catch a cold and go see a doctor, is that weakness?

- When you move house and hire a moving company, is that weakness?

- When you ask someone about a problem you don’t understand, is that weakness?

None of these are.

Asking for help isn’t weakness — it’s efficiency.

A task that takes you three days alone can be finished in one day by three people.

Something you can’t lift alone can be carried by three people working together.

A problem you can’t figure out alone can be solved after a chat with three people.

Why insist on carrying everything by yourself?

Reason 2: Fear of Owing Favors

Some people think favors are debts that have to be repaid.

They never trouble others for things they can handle on their own.

Even for things they can’t handle, they force themselves to get it done alone.

But have you ever thought: relationships are built through mutual favors.

You help me once, I help you once — back and forth, and the relationship grows closer.

What does "more friends make the road easier to walk" mean? It’s not about how many people you know, but how many people you’ve mutually helped.

People who never trouble each other will always have distant relationships.

People who regularly help each other will grow closer and closer.

Favors aren’t debts — they’re the currency of relationships.

You put a little in, I put a little in, and the relationship grows stronger.

Reason 3: Thinking Other People Can’t Be Trusted

There’s another type of person: it’s not that they don’t want to ask for help, they dare not.

Because they’ve asked for help before, only to be let down, rejected, or betrayed.

So they come to the conclusion: relying on anyone is worse than relying on yourself.

There’s some truth to this, but it’s also a bit biased.

Just because one or two people can’t be trusted doesn’t mean no one can.

One failed attempt at asking for help doesn’t mean every attempt will fail.

Your task isn’t to find every single trustworthy person — it’s to find the few who truly are.

One or two reliable people are worth more than a hundred fair-weather friends.

How to Get People to Lift You Up

So how do you make sure there are people "holding you up from below"?

It’s not about talking a big game — it comes down to three things.

First: Lift Others Up First

If you want others to lift you up, you have to lift them up first.

At its core, relationships between people are about mutual exchange.

The more people you’ve helped, the more people will help you when you’re in trouble.

This isn’t being utilitarian — it’s common sense.

No one will help you for no reason.

They’ll help you either because you helped them before, or because they think you’ll help them in the future.

So build up favors in good times, so you’ll have help when times are hard.

Don’t wait until you’re already breaking down to remember to ask for help.

Give others a hand regularly, and when you need it, someone will naturally reach out to you.

Second: Find the Right People

Not everyone can hold you up.

Pick the wrong person, and not only will they fail to support you, they might even drag you down.

What kind of person is the right one? Three criteria:

First, capability. They have to be stable on their own feet before they can hold you up. If they’re already stumbling around themselves, how can they help you?

Second, willingness. They have to want to help you. Some people are very capable, but your relationship is just average — they might not lift a finger when you’re in trouble.

Third, good sense of propriety. They help you, but they don’t look down on you because of it, and they don’t go around telling everyone. Helping you while making you feel respected is the mark of a truly wise person.

You don’t need many people who meet all three criteria — three to five is enough.

With three or five reliable friends in life, you can get through any obstacle.

Third: Don’t Use People Up and Throw Them Away

Some people are super eager when they’re asking for help, but cast the other person aside once they’ve gotten what they need.

People like that might get away with it once or twice, but after a while, no one will want to help them anymore.

When someone helps you, you have to remember it.

- Say thank you out loud

- Keep that kindness in your heart

- Step up when they’re in trouble next time

Only by lifting each other up can you go far together.

If you only let others hold you up and never lift them up in return, sooner or later they’ll let go.

What Does "有它吝" (If There Are Other Troubles, There Will Be Humiliation) Mean?

At the end of the Nine in the Fourth Place line, there are three more characters: "有它吝".

What does that mean?

It means even though the beam rising up is a good thing, if there are other problems, things will still be difficult.

For example:

- Having pillars holding you up is good. But if the pillars themselves are unstable, the whole thing will still collapse.

- Having people help you is good. But if you don’t put in the effort yourself and are too lazy to improve, no one can help you.

- Having a great team is good. But if you’re heading in the wrong direction, the stronger the team, the faster you’ll fail.

Others lifting you up is an external factor; being able to stand firm on your own is an internal factor.

If the internal foundation is weak, no amount of external support will help.

So the Nine in the Fourth Place tells us: there’s nothing wrong with asking for help, but you also have to do your part to make yourself worthy of that help.

The Lesson of the Nine in the Fourth Place

The Nine in the Fourth Place of the Preponderance of the Great hexagram is a Yang Line (陽爻) in a soft position.

The Yang Line means it has strength and can bear responsibilities.

The soft position means it doesn’t stubbornly show off its strength, and knows how to leverage help from others.

This is the ideal state —

Having strength of your own, but not forcing yourself to carry everything alone. Knowing how to borrow strength from others, but not becoming dependent on them.

That’s why it is auspicious.

If you’re facing a lot of pressure right now:

First, stop thinking you "have to carry it all alone." Asking for help isn’t shameful — pushing yourself until you break is.

Second, build up favors in ordinary times. The people you’ve helped are the ones who will help you when you need it.

Third, do your part to stand on your own. Others can give you a lift, but you still have to walk the road yourself.

The good fortune of the rising ridgepole isn’t the victory of a single beam.

It’s the victory of the beam, and all the pillars beneath it.