Trusting the Wrong Person Is More Dangerous Than Having No Friends — Dui Hexagram Nine in the Fifth Place: Giving Trust to Those Who Don’t Deserve It

At the Nine in the Fifth Place of Dui / The Joyous, the Line Text is just four characters, but it carries immense weight:

「孚于剥，有厉。」 (Sincerity in decay brings danger.)

"Fu" (孚) means trust. "Bo" (剥) means erosion, depletion, nibbling away. "Fu yu bo" — you place your trust in someone who is draining you.

"You li" (有厉) — danger.

This line reveals the deepest trap hidden within joy.

1. Who is the "Bo" (Eroder)?

The Nine in the Fifth Place sits in the ruler’s position: a Yang Line in a Yang position, making it the most powerful and resourceful line in the Dui Hexagram. By all logic, it should be perfectly secure.

But there is someone right beside it — the Six at the Top. This Yin Line sits above the Nine in the Fifth Place, approaching it with soft, ingratiating manners.

The Line Text for the Six at the Top is "Yin Dui" — "leading to joy". Sounds nice, right? But in the context of the Nine in the Fifth Place, this "leading" is steering it toward depletion.

"Bo" is exactly what the Six at the Top is doing. It is no obvious enemy — it is someone who seems to make you happy, but is actually draining you dry.

Wen Laoshi says the most terrifying thing about "Fu yu bo" is this: the person you trust is not lying to you — they are "bo-ing" you, eroding you little by little. By the time you notice, you have already lost so much.

2. How Does "Bo" (Erosion) Happen?

"Bo" does not hollow you out all at once — it happens slowly.

Step 1: Making you comfortable. They shower you with joy — praising you, keeping you company, agreeing with everything you say, doing favors for you. You think this person is just wonderful.

Step 2: Making you dependent. You get used to this joy and start to feel you cannot live without them. Without realizing it, you make them the most important person in your life.

Step 3: The draining begins. They start making requests — small ones, which seem reasonable enough, so you say yes. Then the requests grow more frequent, and bigger.

Step 4: You can no longer walk away. You have invested too much — time, energy, emotion, resources. You know something is wrong, but the sunk cost is already too high.

The whole process looks like a good relationship. But at its core, it is "bo" — you are being nibbled away, bit by bit.

3. Why Does the Nine in the Fifth Place Fall Prey to "Bo"?

The problem with the Nine in the Fifth Place is not a lack of intelligence — it is that it craves joy too badly.

Sitting in the ruler’s position brings great power, but also great responsibility. It is lonely at the top: everyone around you either fears you or uses you, and few people can truly make you feel relaxed and happy.

That is when the Six at the Top appears. Gentle, thoughtful, and comforting — you need this joy so badly that you do not stop to question their motives.

Wen Laoshi says the higher you climb, the lonelier you are, and the more vulnerable you become to "bo". Because you crave genuine joy so desperately, the moment someone who "seems genuine" shows up, you let down all your guards.

4. What Scenarios Match the Nine in the Fifth Place of Dui?

You are an entrepreneur, stressed and lonely. Then someone enters your circle — they understand you perfectly and support you wholeheartedly. You take them for a kindred spirit and tell them everything. But after a while, you realize they are using your trust to steal business insights, access your resources, and even poach your team.

You are a manager, and you have a particularly smooth-talking subordinate. They always say what you want to hear and do exactly what you want to see. You trust them more and more, and grant them more and more authority. Until one day, you discover most of their actions are for their own benefit, and you have been kept completely in the dark.

You are in a relationship where your partner always makes you happy and relaxed. But slowly, you notice you are the one constantly giving — time, money, emotion — while they give less and less in return. You are being "bo-ed", eroded.

5. How to Avoid "Fu Yu Bo" (Trusting an Eroder)

First, observe how someone behaves when you are at a low point. Truly trustworthy people do not seize the chance to cozy up to you when you are down. Those who suddenly become extra warm and enthusiastic usually only show up when there is something to gain from you.

Second, check whether their "joy" comes at your expense. If you are always the one giving more in a relationship — while the other person just "keeps you company" or "makes you happy" — that is a red flag. Real trust is mutual; it is not something you carry all by yourself.

Third, regularly review your "trust list". Are the people you trust actually worthy of it? Are the benefits you give them draining you in return? Wen Laoshi says trust is not something you give and forget about. You need to check in regularly to see if your trust is being abused.

Final Thoughts

「孚于剥，有厉。」 (Sincerity in decay brings danger.)

Four characters that lay bare the full cost of misplaced trust.

Wen Laoshi says having no friends is not the scary part — the scary part is trusting the wrong person. With no friends, you are just lonely; with the wrong person trusted, you get drained.

The Nine in the Fifth Place of Dui offers a painful reminder: the more you crave joy, the more carefully you must examine where that joy comes from. Some joys nourish you; others erode you.

Before you hand over your trust, take a look at the other person’s hands — are they reaching out to give you something, or quietly taking something from you?