Retreat Hexagram 93: Tied Down When Wanting to Quit? "Xì Dùn, Yǒu Jí Lì (Tied Retreat Brings Danger)" — The Pain of Being Held Back

Have you ever had this feeling—

You know full well you can’t stay in this place any longer,

You can see clearly that this road leads nowhere,

But you just can’t leave.

Why can’t you leave?

There are too many reasons.

Maybe it’s about money—

There’s a mortgage to pay, kids to raise, elderly parents to care for,

Every month you wake up to thousands or tens of thousands in expenses.

You don’t dare quit, don’t dare make a move, don’t dare take a gamble.

What if things are even worse after you leave?

Maybe it’s about people—

You lead a team,

They’ve followed you for all these years,

If you just up and leave, what will happen to them?

Or your business partner is still holding on,

Would leaving now make you a bad friend?

Maybe it’s about pride—

You were the one who swore you’d make this work,

Now you’re halfway through and you want to walk away?

What will people think of you?

How will you save face?

And then there’s sunk cost—

You’ve already poured so much time, energy, and money into this,

If you leave now, won’t it all go to waste?

Hang in there a little longer, maybe things will turn around?

These things are like one rope after another,

Tying you down in place.

You want to leave, but can’t take a step;

You want to stay, but feel suffocated.

This state is exactly what the Nine in the Third Place of the Retreat Hexagram describes—

系遁 (Xì Dùn: Tied Retreat).

系遁 (Xì Dùn): Retreat Tied Down by Ropes

The Nine in the Third Place of the Retreat Hexagram is a Yang Line in a Yang position,

At the very top of the lower trigram.

The Line Text says: 「系遁，有疾厉。畜臣妾吉。」 (Xì Dùn, yǒu jí lì. Xù chén qiè jí.)

Xì (系) means rope, entanglement, concern.

Xì Dùn means being held back by all kinds of things,

Wanting to retreat but can’t, wanting to leave but unable to.

Yǒu jí lì (有疾厉) means it’s like being sick,

Uncomfortable and dangerous.

Why does the Nine in the Third Place have "Xì Dùn"?

You can tell just by looking at its position.

The Nine in the Third Place is at the top of the lower Gen (Keeping Still) trigram,

With two Yin Lines below it (the Six at the Beginning and the Six in the Second Place).

A Yang Line is supposed to move upward,

But the two Yin Lines below drag and pull at it,

Keeping it from moving on.

It’s like a person

Who is quite capable,

And wants to move to a better place for development.

But there’s a group of people following him,

Or a pile of family responsibilities he has to carry,

If he leaves, what will happen to all these people?

He can’t just think of himself.

People in a Xì Dùn situation are usually responsible people.

It’s precisely because they’re responsible

That they get tied down.

If it were an irresponsible person,

They’d just walk away without a second thought,

Not caring about anything else.

But a responsible person can’t do that—

They have to consider others,

Think about the consequences,

And live with a clear conscience.

So Xì Dùn itself

Is neither strictly good nor bad.

It shows you’re a good person, a responsible person,

But it’s also because of that

That you have to suffer this hardship.

How uncomfortable does Xì Dùn get?

The Line Text says "yǒu jí lì" (like having a serious illness).

It’s like coming down with a grave sickness—

Your body hurts, and your heart hurts too.

You can’t eat, you can’t sleep well,

You’re tangled up in knots every day—

Leave or stay?

When to leave?

How to leave?

This kind of mental torment

Is even more draining than a physical illness.

Wen Laoshi often says,

The most tiring time for a person isn’t when they’re working,

It’s when they’re stuck in indecision.

If you’re tired from work, a good night’s sleep fixes it;

But someone stuck in indecision

Will still be tangled up in their sleep.

Those "Xì Dùn" Dilemmas in Daily Life

The Xì Dùn situation

Is extremely common in life.

Take a department manager, for example:

The company is already failing,

He’s wanted to leave for a long time,

And there’s a job offer waiting for him outside.

But he leads seven or eight people,

All of whom he recruited and trained himself.

He knows that as soon as he leaves,

These people will definitely get laid off,

Or get pushed around by the new manager.

He can’t bear to do that.

So he keeps putting it off,

Until the company really can’t hold on any longer,

And everyone goes their separate ways together.

Take an entrepreneur, for example:

The project is clearly failing,

And the money in the account is almost gone.

He knows there’s no point in dragging it out,

That it’s better to shut it down early to cut losses.

But the group of brothers working with him—

Some gave up jobs at big tech companies,

Some poured all their savings into the project.

He feels like he’s letting everyone down,

So he forces himself to hold on,

Until the last penny is spent,

And he has no choice but to declare failure.

Or take a marriage, for example:

The two people have no feelings left for each other,

They fight every day, give each other the cold shoulder, torture each other.

Everyone knows this can’t go on,

But the thought of the kids,

Of both sets of parents,

Of all those years of relationship,

Makes them unable to make up their minds.

They just drag it out,

Until the kids grow up,

Until they themselves are old.

These are all cases of Xì Dùn.

It’s not that they don’t want to leave,

It’s that they can’t.

It’s not that they don’t understand the logic,

It’s that there are too many entanglements and concerns.

The most torturous part of Xì Dùn is this—

You know you should leave,

But you can’t;

You know dragging it out isn’t a solution,

But you have no better option.

You’re like a bug stuck in a spider web—

The more you struggle, the tighter you’re stuck,

And if you don’t struggle, you can only wait to die.

「畜臣妾吉」(Xù Chén Qiè Jí): What to Do When You Can’t Leave

So does Xì Dùn mean you can only wait to die?

Not exactly.

The second half of the Line Text says: 「畜臣妾吉。」 (Xù chén qiè jí.)

Xù (畜) means to nurture, manage, cultivate.

Chén qiè (臣妾) refers to the people around you, your subordinates,

The people and things you can control.

Xù chén qiè jí means—

At this time, properly managing the people and things around you

Brings good fortune.

What does this mean?

Since you can’t move in the big picture,

Since you can’t leave,

Then stop thinking about leaving for now.

Focus on doing the things right in front of you well,

Take good care of the people around you,

Manage the piece of territory you can control.

Put simply,

It’s this—

Since you can’t escape for the time being,

Then make the best of your small daily life first.

I can’t change the big environment,

But my own small circle, my own small position—

I still have the final say there.

How do you do this specifically?

Here are a few directions.

First, take good care of the people around you.

The Nine in the Third Place has two Yin Lines below it—

Those are your responsibilities, your people,

Your base of support.

Since you’ve chosen to stay,

Don’t let the people following you get the short end of the stick.

Teach what needs to be taught, guide what needs to be guided,

Carry what needs to be carried.

If you take good care of them,

They’ll naturally stick with you,

And you’ll have more confidence.

What’s more, even if you do leave in the future,

You’ll leave with a clear conscience, with nothing to feel guilty about.

Second, hone the skills you have on hand.

Since you can’t leave right now anyway,

You might as well use this time

To practice the skills you need to practice,

To build up the resources you need to build up.

Don’t spend every day tangled up over whether to leave or not—

Indecision solves nothing.

If you sharpen your skills,

When you want to leave in the future,

You’ll have more confidence.

Even if you don’t leave,

With solid skills under your belt,

You’ll have nothing to fear anywhere you go.

Third, make preparations slowly.

Xù chén qiè doesn’t mean you have to give up the idea of leaving entirely,

It doesn’t mean you have to wait around to die here.

It means you stay steady on the surface,

While making preparations in secret.

Look for your next opportunity if you need to,

Save money if you need to,

Pave the way if you need to.

When the conditions are ripe and you’re fully prepared,

It won’t be too late to leave then.

Leaving then

Will be a completely different story

From leaving in a panic right now.

Fourth, keep a calm state of mind.

The most harmful part of Xì Dùn isn’t the situation itself,

It’s your unwillingness, your reluctance,

Your constant internal friction every day.

Since you’ve already decided to stay for now,

Stop complaining every day.

What good does complaining do?

Besides ruining your mood

And wrecking your health,

It does nothing at all.

Since you’re here, make the best of it,

Focus on living well in the present first.

What’s the Biggest Danger in Xì Dùn?

When you’re in a Xì Dùn situation,

There are a few big taboos

You must never commit.

The first taboo: blaming everyone and everything but yourself.

Complaining every day that you have bad luck,

That this is unfair, that is unreasonable.

You complain and complain,

But you don’t solve any problems,

And you turn yourself into a ball of negative energy.

People around you won’t want to get close to you,

And your opportunities will only get fewer and fewer.

The second taboo: giving up on yourself entirely.

Since I can’t leave anyway,

Since this is how it is anyway,

I might as well just slack off.

You don’t do your job properly,

You don’t handle things properly,

You don’t even conduct yourself properly.

This is the stupidest thing you can do.

You’re not slacking off on someone else—

You’re wasting your own time,

Your own future.

When you get a chance to leave in the future,

You’ll find you’ve already become useless,

And that’s when you’re really done for.

The third taboo: forcing yourself to leave impulsively.

Some people can’t take it anymore,

They slam the table and walk out,

Not caring about anything.

They leave, all right,

But the consequences are severe.

They don’t do the proper handover,

Don’t make the proper arrangements,

Don’t clarify what needs to be clarified.

Leaving feels satisfying in the moment,

But after you’re gone, there’s a mountain of trouble.

What’s more, it’s bad for your reputation—

Next time someone wants to work with you,

They’ll have to think twice.

The fourth taboo: dragging it out indefinitely.

Some people say they’ll wait and see,

Wait until conditions are ripe to leave.

But they wait and wait,

A year passes, two years pass,

Conditions are never ripe,

And they just keep dragging on forever.

In the end,

"Not leaving for now" turns into "never leaving for the rest of my life",

And "Xì Dùn" turns into "being trapped to death".

So when you’re in Xì Dùn,

You have to be clear in your heart—

Why am I staying?

How long am I going to stay?

At what point will I have to leave?

If you think through these questions clearly,

You won’t be thrown off balance.

What’s at the End of Xì Dùn?

Xì Dùn isn’t the final outcome,

It’s just a transitional state.

At its end, there are usually two possibilities.

The first: you make it through the hard times.

You hold on for a while,

The situation changes, the environment gets better,

Or you’ve built up enough strength

To go from passive to active.

At that point, you don’t need to leave anymore,

Because this place is now worthy of you.

This situation isn’t common,

But it’s not unheard of.

The prerequisite is that you have patience,

And a bit of luck too.

The second: you’ve saved up enough capital to leave.

You use this time

To hone your skills, build up resources,

And pave the way for what comes next.

When the time is right,

You leave calmly and composedly.

When you leave,

All the handovers are done properly,

All the arrangements are made properly,

And everyone remembers you fondly.

This is the best possible ending for Xì Dùn.

No matter which ending it is,

The prerequisite is always—

During this period of Xì Dùn,

You didn’t give up on yourself,

You didn’t drift along aimlessly,

You kept building, kept preparing.

If you do nothing at all,

Then there’s only one possible end to Xì Dùn—

Things get worse and worse, until there’s no way out at all.

Wen Laoshi once said something:

When you’re at a low point in life,

Don’t always think about turning things around immediately,

First think about not sliding further down.

If you can hold steady, you’ve already won half the battle.

That’s exactly how Xì Dùn works.

You might not be able to leave, not be able to move right now,

But you can at least—

Not slide down, not fall into depravity,

Not be completely swallowed up by your environment.

If you hold steady,

There’s still a chance.

If you hold steady,

There’s still a possibility of turning things around.

Final Thoughts

The Nine in the Third Place of the Retreat Hexagram

Makes your chest feel tight when you read it.

Xì Dùn, yǒu jí lì—

It’s like being sick, uncomfortable and dangerous all at once.

But I think

This line is actually the most real line in the entire Retreat Hexagram.

Because for most people, life

Isn’t a spontaneous trip you can take whenever you want,

Isn’t a carefree retreat you can make whenever you feel like it.

For most people, life

Is tied, pulled, and bound by all kinds of things.

You want to fly, but you’re carrying shackles on your back;

You want to leave, but there are ropes dragging at your feet.

But so what?

Being tied down doesn’t mean you’ve lost.

Not being able to leave doesn’t mean you can only wait to die.

You can start by managing the people and things around you well,

By honing your own skills first,

By firming up the ground under your feet first.

Xù chén qiè jí—

That’s exactly what it means.

One day,

Those entanglements will become your armor,

Not your shackles.

The things you thought were holding you back

Might end up being your strongest support.

So,

If you’re currently in a "Xì Dùn" state,

Don’t be too anxious, and don’t blame yourself too much.

It’s not your fault,

It’s just a stretch of road in your life, that’s all.

Keep your heart calm, do your work well,

Take good care of the people around you.

When the wind comes,

You’ll naturally be able to fly.

系遁，有疾厉。

畜臣妾吉。

May everyone who is tied down

Be able to find their own way out

While holding fast to what matters.