How to Deal with a Toxic Colleague Around You? Guai Hexagram’s Nine in the Third Place Teaches You the Solution

The Third Line of Guai (Breakthrough)

is all about dealing with petty people.

Guai is the hexagram of decisive action, but its third line reminds you: not everything calls for a head-on clash. When it comes to petty people, you need a different approach.

Let’s be real—

everyone runs into a few petty people in life.

The coworker who makes your job harder on purpose,

the person who ruins your day for no reason,

the one who talks behind your back,

or the one who trips you up, openly or in secret.

When you run into them,

it’s impossible not to get mad.

But getting mad just isn’t worth it.

Fight back, and

you look just as bad as they do;

ignore them, and

they just get bolder and push further.

So what do you do?

It’s such an annoying problem,

but you can’t avoid it.

Where there are people, there’s drama;

where there’s drama, there are petty people.

The Third Line of Guai in the I Ching (Book of Changes)

is all about how to handle these people.

The Line Text (Yao Ci) says: 壮于頄，有凶。君子夬夬独行，遇雨若濡，有愠，无咎。

What does that mean?

“壮于頄” — putting on a tough, angry front,

wearing your rage on your face,

looking like you’re ready to pick a fight;

“有凶” — this brings misfortune, and trouble is likely;

“君子夬夬独行” — the Junzi (Superior Person) walks their own path

with firm, unwavering resolve;

“遇雨若濡” — getting caught in the rain and soaked,

meaning running into small troubles or enduring unfair treatment;

“有愠” — feeling a little annoyed, a little angry;

“无咎” — but there’s no real blame, no real problem.

Putting it all together:

Going head-to-head with petty people and wearing your anger on your face

will only lead to trouble.

Truly capable people

walk their own path with resolve.

Even if they hit a little rough patch along the way,

endure some unfairness, or feel annoyed,

it’s fine—it doesn’t mess up the big picture.

See?

The ancients had a clear attitude toward petty people—

don’t stoop to their level,

just walk your own path.

Why going head-to-head with petty people is the worst move

The Nine in the Third Place (九三) of Guai says “壮于頄，有凶”.

Why is fighting back against petty people so risky?

Three reasons.

First: petty people have no bottom line—you do.

Petty people will do anything to win,

but you? You have boundaries, principles,

and things you care about protecting.

When you fight them,

you have to play by the rules—

they don’t.

They’ll pull every dirty trick in the book.

Can you do that?

If you can’t, you’ll end up losing.

The harder you fight them,

the more you stand to lose.

Second: petty people have all the time in the world—you don’t.

Petty people have nothing meaningful going on in their lives.

They spend all day plotting how to hurt people,

mess with people, or make their lives miserable.

What about you? You have a career, a family,

a life of your own to build.

Can you afford to waste time on them?

No, you can’t.

Every day you spend fighting them

is a day you can’t spend on what matters.

They, on the other hand, feel miserable if they go a day without messing with someone—

they’ve got all the time in the world to drag you down.

Third: the more you engage, the more they feed off it.

What do petty people want?

They want your attention,

they want to see you get mad,

they want to know they’re getting to you.

The angrier you get, the more you fight back, the more you engage,

the more excited, smug, and energized they get.

What if you ignore them?

It’s like they punch a pillow—

no satisfaction at all.

When it’s no fun, they’ll move on to someone else.

Wen Laoshi once said—

the best way to deal with petty people

isn’t to beat them,

it’s to never give them a chance to step into your ring.

Don’t even glance their way,

and they’ll bow out on their own.

What the Nine in the Third Place of Guai teaches you about handling petty people

So how *do* you deal with petty people?

The Nine in the Third Place of Guai gives you three moves.

First move: don’t wear your anger on your face.

“壮于頄，有凶” —

if you write “I hate you” and “I’m gonna get you”

all over your face, you’re just asking for trouble.

Why? Because it puts petty people on guard.

Once they know you’re coming for them,

they’ll strike first to get the upper hand.

Maybe they were only messing with you a little at first,

but if you push them like that,

they’ll go all in—

and then you’re the one who loses out.

So here’s the thing:

know what’s going on in your head,

but don’t let it show on your face.

Say hello when you have to,

make small talk when you have to,

but be clear on the inside—

this person isn’t someone you can get close to,

and you need to watch your back around them.

Keep things polite on the surface,

but keep track of everything in your head—

that’s what a pro does.

Second move: “君子夬夬独行” — walk your own path, ignore them.

What does “walking alone” mean?

It doesn’t mean being lonely or anti-social.

It means you have your own direction,

your own goals, your own pace.

When you know where you’re going,

you won’t waste time

fighting with every random stray cat or dog on the road.

They talk bad about you? Let them.

They try to trip you up? Step around it.

They try to drag you down? Don’t let them.

Keep moving forward. The higher and farther you go,

the less they can reach you.

By the time you’re standing at the top of the mountain,

they’ll still be hopping around at the bottom.

When you look down at them then,

you’ll almost feel bad for them.

Third move: “遇雨若濡，有愠，无咎” —

it’s normal to deal with a little unfairness.

Don’t take it to heart.

If you get caught in the rain on the road,

you get wet—so what?

It’s normal to be a little annoyed,

but don’t stop walking just because it’s raining.

The rain will stop eventually,

your clothes will dry eventually,

and you still have to keep going.

Getting tricked or hurt by a petty person,

dealing with unfairness or small losses—

it’s normal.

Who hasn’t stepped in a puddle while walking?

When you step in a puddle,

wipe your feet and keep going.

Don’t squat there crying,

and don’t jump in the puddle to fight the water.

It’s not worth it.

When it’s time to be “decisive”

That said,

it’s not like you have to put up with everything.

Some things you can’t just brush off—

when it’s time to act, you have to be decisive.

When do you have to step in?

Two situations.

First: when your bottom line and principles are crossed.

Their little games are fine to ignore,

but if they cross your bottom line—

hurting your family, ruining your reputation,

cutting off your income, threatening your core interests—

then you can’t just take it.

At that point, you have to act decisively,

hit them hard enough once and for all

so they know you’re not someone to mess with.

But when you act, do it the right way.

Don’t stoop to their dirty tricks.

Be open and aboveboard, have facts and reason on your side,

so they can’t come back from it.

Second: when they just won’t let up.

You ignore them, but they just get bolder,

coming after you again and again.

Then you don’t have to be nice anymore.

Don’t mistake a tiger’s silence for a house cat’s weakness.

But in this case,

it’s best to resolve it once and for all,

no half-measures.

Either don’t act at all, or go all the way

so they never dare bother you again.

But remember—

before you act, weigh the situation first:

Do you have the strength to pull it off?

Can you handle the consequences?

If you can’t fix it,

then hold your ground, lay low for now,

and focus on getting stronger first.

When you’re strong enough,

then you can think about other moves.

A final thought

On the road of life,

you’ll always run into a few petty people.

It’s not your fault—

when the forest is big enough, every kind of bird exists.

壮于頄，有凶。君子夬夬独行，遇雨若濡，有愠，无咎 —

Don’t go head-to-head with petty people.

Walk your own path.

A little unfairness is nothing.

Just keep moving forward.

So here’s the thing:

when you run into petty people, don’t get mad,

and don’t stoop to their level.

The more you take them seriously,

the smugger they get;

the less you take them seriously,

the less they can do to you.

Spend your time and energy on yourself,

and on the people you care about.

That’s what really matters.

The wisdom of the Third Line of Guai, put simply, is this: the best way to deal with petty people isn’t to beat them—it’s to make sure they never even qualify to be on the same stage as you.

This line from the Third Line of Guai is something everyone navigating the world should take time to understand: 壮于頄，有凶。君子夬夬独行，遇雨若濡，有愠，无咎。Walk your own path, and let the petty people wear themselves out.