"Guan Hexagram Six in Third Place: How to Accurately Assess Yourself? 'Observing My Own Life's Advances and Retreats' — Those Who Self-Reflect Go Further"

Have you ever had this feeling—

When someone else is dealing with the same thing, you see everything clearly: where the problem is, how to fix it, you can talk about it nonstop. But when it’s your turn, you’re totally lost. You have no clue what’s wrong, why it’s wrong, or how to adjust.

That’s what we call "the onlooker sees most of the game."

This is exactly what the third line of the Contemplation Hexagram talks about. The Line Text says: "观我生，进退" (Guan Wo Sheng, Jin Tui / Observing One’s Own Life, Advancing and Retreating).

"Observing one’s own life" means looking at your life, your state, and your behavioral patterns. "Advancing and retreating" means deciding whether to move forward or step back based on what you observe.

It sounds simple, but it’s hard to do. Today let’s talk about how to truly "see yourself."

Most people don’t know how to see themselves—they only know how to fool themselves

Why is observing yourself so hard?

Because humans are born with an instinct for self-justification. When you do something wrong, your first reaction isn’t "I messed up"—it’s "it’s not my fault." When you don’t do well, your first reaction isn’t "I’m not capable enough"—it’s "the conditions weren’t good."

Ask them to judge others, and they’re razor-sharp. Ask them to judge themselves, and it’s all praise.

In psychology, this is called the "self-serving bias"—success is all because you’re great, failure is all because of external factors.

That’s why a lot of people’s "self-reflection" is actually just self-comfort. They reflect and reflect, and the conclusion is always "I’m already pretty good, the problem is with everyone else."

This kind of reflection is worse than no reflection at all.

How to observe yourself effectively? Three methods

True "observing one’s own life" isn’t sitting around wondering "what kind of person am I"—it’s looking at your actions and their results.

First method: look at results, not motives.

You say you work really hard, but your performance isn’t improving. Don’t comfort yourself with "I’ve tried so hard"—look at the result. If the result is bad, it means your direction or method of effort is off.

You say you’re really good to your friends, but they’re all drifting away. Don’t think everyone else is letting you down—look at the result. If relationships are fading, there’s definitely a reason, and more likely than not, part of it is on you.

Motives can lie. You might think you’re being kind, but what other people feel might be hurt. Results don’t lie.

Second method: look at repeating patterns, not one-off events.

If you mess up one thing, it might be bad luck. But if you keep tripping over the same thing over and over, that’s your problem.

For example, if you always end up with "toxic partners," it might not be the other person’s problem—it’s your dating standards that are off. If you always clash with your boss, it might not be your boss’s problem—it’s your communication style that’s off.

Finding your own repeating patterns is the real start of understanding yourself.

Third method: listen to feedback, don’t rush to defend yourself.

When someone says something negative about you, don’t jump to argue. Don’t rush to say "that’s not how it is" or "you don’t know me."

Just listen, and see if what they’re saying makes sense. Even if only one out of ten things they say is right, it’s worth it.

Everyone has blind spots in their self-perception. The flaws you can’t see in yourself, others see clearly. Other people are your mirror.

The way of advancing and retreating: advance when you should, retreat when you should

After observing your own life comes advancing and retreating.

Only when you know your current state can you decide what to do next.

If you’re in a good state, on the right track, and things are going up—then advance. Push harder, press your advantage.

If you’re in a bad state, going the wrong direction, and things keep going downhill—then retreat. Stop, adjust, or even switch directions entirely.

A lot of people only know how to advance, not retreat. They always think retreating means failure, means giving up.

That’s not true. Retreat is a form of wisdom. Knowing when to stop, when to change direction, is way more important than just charging forward blindly.

If you’re charging in the wrong direction, the harder you try, the further off course you’ll get.

Final thoughts

"观我生，进退" (Observing One’s Own Life, Advancing and Retreating) from the third line of the Contemplation Hexagram, at the end of the day, boils down to one thing: self-awareness.

Knowing your own worth, knowing what you’re good at and what you’re bad at, knowing when to step up and when to step back.

It’s easy to say, but so few people actually do it.

But you have to remember: life isn’t a race of who runs the fastest—it’s about who goes the farthest. No matter how fast you run, if you’re going the wrong way, it’s all for nothing.

Look back at yourself often, and think about "what am I really doing here."

Figuring it out before you move forward is ten thousand times better than rushing around aimlessly.