What to Do When Stuck in Dilemma: Kan Hexagram Third Line "来之坎坎" — Stop Fussing, Stay Put First

Have you ever been in these situations?

- A job that feels meaningless to do, but you’re scared you won’t find a better one if you quit — stuck between a rock and a hard place

- A relationship that drains you to keep going, but you can’t bear to break up — stuck between a rock and a hard place

- A choice where you fear regret if you pick A, and fear regret if you pick B — stuck between a rock and a hard place

Step forward, and there’s a pit. Step back, and there’s another pit.

What about staying put? You just can’t resign yourself to that.

The worst feeling in life isn’t smooth sailing all the way, nor is it constant headwinds.

It’s being stuck in the middle, unable to move.

This is exactly the state described by the Third Line of the Kan Hexagram.

「来之坎坎，险且枕」 (Lái zhī kǎn kǎn, xiǎn qiě zhěn: Coming and going are both perilous, danger surrounds and presses close)

The Line Text for the Six in the Third Place says: "来之坎坎，险且枕。入于坎窞，勿用。"

Coming is Kan, going is Kan. Danger lies ahead and behind; every move is risky.

Since you’ve fallen into a deep pit, don’t move for now.

"勿用" (Wù yòng) — do not act.

This phrase is rare in the I Ching (Book of Changes).

The I Ching usually teaches you what to do; it rarely says "don’t do it."

But the Six in the Third Place tells you: at this moment, doing nothing is better than doing anything.

Why We Get Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Why do we end up in this dilemma? There are usually three reasons.

Reason 1: Insufficient Information

You don’t know what will happen if you move forward, and you don’t know what will happen if you step back.

If I quit, can I find a better job? You don’t know.

If I don’t quit, is it worth sticking it out? You don’t know that either.

When information is lacking, people tend to get tangled up in indecision.

Because you can’t calculate which choice is better.

If you can’t calculate it, you don’t dare choose.

If you don’t dare choose, you get stuck right there.

Reason 2: Both Choices Have Gains and Losses

It’s not that one is good and the other is bad — both have their own advantages and their own drawbacks.

Pick A, and you gain this but lose that.

Pick B, and you gain that but lose this.

You can’t bear to let go of either; you can’t set either aside.

So you get stuck in the middle, unable to choose.

The truly hard choices aren’t between right and wrong — they’re between two good options.

You want both, but you can only pick one.

That’s what’s really draining.

Reason 3: Fear of Regret

Why do people get stuck in indecision? It’s not fear of making the wrong choice.

It’s the fear of — regretting the choice after you make it.

"What if I pick A, and later find out B was better?"

"What if I step back, and find out moving forward was the right call?"

The moment you think about "what if I regret it," you don’t dare move.

You’d rather suffer stuck in the middle than make a decision you might regret.

But have you ever thought about this:

Being stuck in the middle is itself a choice. And it might be the worst choice of all.

What to Avoid Most When Stuck in a Dilemma

The Six in the Third Place says "勿用" — do not act.

But "勿用" doesn’t mean moping around and waiting for death.

What it means is: don’t act recklessly.

When stuck in a dilemma, people are most prone to three mistakes.

Mistake 1: Fussing About Pointlessly

You’ve been indecisive for too long, and it’s eating at you.

"No, I have to do something — otherwise this is unbearable."

Then you make a random decision.

Not because the decision is right, but because "doing something feels better than doing nothing."

But think about it — can a decision made in that state be reliable?

It’s like when you’re stuck with losing stocks. The discomfort gets to you, so you cut your losses and sell.

And the second you sell, the price goes up.

You feel even worse.

Decisions made just to ease anxiety are wrong nine times out of ten.

Mistake 2: Asking Everyone You Know

You can’t make up your mind, so you go ask other people.

You ask your parents, your friends, your coworkers, people online.

And what happens?

Some say pick A, some say pick B.

Some say you need to be brave, some say you need to be cautious.

The more you ask, the more confused you get. The more you listen, the more lost you feel.

In the end, you still don’t know what to do.

Besides, no matter how right other people’s advice sounds, it’s their choice.

Your life is yours to live.

If you regret it, you’re the only one who has to carry that weight.

Mistake 3: Waiting Passively for the Worst

Since both advance and retreat feel like doom, you just stop moving entirely.

You drag your feet, you wait, you put things off.

Unhappy at work? You drag your feet until you get fired.

Unhappy in a relationship? You drag your feet until both of you go numb.

Feeling unwell? You drag your feet until a small illness turns into a big one.

This kind of "not moving" is not the "勿用" spoken of in the Six in the Third Place.

The "勿用" of the Six in the Third Place is an active choice — I won’t move for now, I’ll move once I see things clearly.

Waiting passively for the worst is passive giving up — I can’t do this, this is just how I am.

One is a strategy, the other is escape. They’re worlds apart.

The Right Approach When Stuck in a Dilemma

So what should you actually do?

The Third Line of the Kan Hexagram tells you: don’t move yet. But don’t stay idle either.

How exactly do you do that? Three things.

First Step: Gather Information

Why are you indecisive? Because you don’t have enough information.

Without enough information, you can’t make a judgment.

So don’t rush to choose yet.

First, go figure out the situation.

- Hesitating about quitting your job? First check the market conditions, send out some resumes, chat with people in your field

- Hesitating about breaking up? Try taking a break from each other for a while, see if you can actually adjust to being single

- Hesitating about buying a house? Go visit properties in person, calculate the mortgage, ask people who already bought what their experience is like

The more information you have, the simpler the choice becomes.

A lot of the things you agonize over are really just because you think too much and do too little.

Once you actually go look into it, the answer will naturally come to you.

Second Step: Figure Out What You Fear Most

Both choices have pros and cons — how do you pick?

Don’t think about "which one is better." Think about "which bad outcome can I accept more easily?"

If you pick A, what’s the worst-case scenario? Can you live with that?

If you pick B, what’s the worst-case scenario? Can you live with that?

Pick the one you can afford to lose.

Because everyone can accept a good outcome — the difference lies in the bad outcomes.

Pick whichever bad outcome you can handle better.

The essence of choice isn’t picking the best option — it’s picking the one you can afford to lose.

Once you wrap your head around that, it won’t feel so hard to choose.

Third Step: Set a Deadline for Yourself

It’s okay to wait, but you can’t wait forever.

It’s okay to observe, but you can’t observe for a lifetime.

Set a deadline for yourself:

- "I’ll observe for three more months, and make a decision after three months"

- "I’ll try five more times, and if it still doesn’t work after five times, I’ll walk away"

- "I’ll wait six more months, and accept whatever the outcome is after six months"

When the deadline hits, no matter what, you make a decision.

It’s okay to hesitate, but you can’t hesitate indefinitely.

The cost of indefinite hesitation is greater than any wrong decision.

Because once time passes, it never comes back.

The Lesson of the Six in the Third Place

The Third Line of the Kan Hexagram is a Yin Line in a Yang position — it is not in its proper position.

Because it is out of position, it is stuck between advance and retreat.

Moving forward is wrong, stepping back is also wrong.

But its answer is not "just pick one randomly," nor is it "give up and don’t choose at all."

It’s "勿用" — don’t move yet.

Not moving isn’t lying flat and giving up.

Not moving is for the sake of —

- Seeing things clearly first

- Thinking things through first

- Getting prepared first

Once you’ve seen things clearly, thought them through, and gotten prepared, then you move.

At that point, every step you take will be the right one.

So if you’re currently stuck in some kind of dilemma:

Don’t rush.

Don’t pick randomly.

Don’t go asking everyone around you.

Calm down first, gather information, clarify your bottom line, and set a deadline for yourself.

Wait when it’s time to wait, move when it’s time to move.

That is true wisdom.