Why Does a Problem Grow Bigger the Harder You Try to Fix It? Kui Hexagram Sixth Line Five Reveals: Step Back, and a Surprise Awaits

Have you ever

had this feeling—

some problems,

the harder you try to fix them,

the bigger they get;

the more anxious you are to sort them out,

the more stuck you become.

You pour all your energy

into tackling it,

thinking about it every day,

mulling it over nonstop,

twisting and turning over it,

and what’s the result?

The problem isn’t solved,

it just gets more and more complicated.

Why does this happen?

Because you’re standing

too close to the problem.

So close that all you can see is the problem itself,

and nothing else.

You’re face to face with it,

you can make out every single tiny detail,

and you think

this problem

is impossibly huge,

like the sky is about to fall.

But the truth is?

Take a step back,

look at it from a distance,

and that whole mess

isn’t even a big deal at all.

The ancients already laid this truth out clearly

in the Six in the Fifth Place of the Opposition Hexagram,

a long, long time ago.

厥宗噬肤 (Jué Zōng Shì Fū): Turns Out We’re All on the Same Side

The Line Text for Six in the Fifth Place of Opposition says:

「悔亡，厥宗噬肤，

往何咎。」

What does this mean?

Let’s break it down character by character.

悔亡 (Huǐ Wáng)—

remorse disappears.

You thought this situation

was totally ruined,

hopeless,

and you’d regret it forever.

But what happens?

Everything clears up,

the regret is gone,

the storm passes and the sky is blue again.

厥宗噬肤 (Jué Zōng Shì Fū)—

eating meat together

with people of your own clan.

厥 means "his" or "their",

宗 means clan, kin,

people on your own side;

噬 means to eat,

肤 means flesh,

here referring to tender, soft meat.

Put together, it means—

sitting down with your own people,

eating meat and drinking wine,

happy and harmonious.

往何咎 (Wǎng Hé Jiù)—

what blame is there in going forward?

In other words,

at this point you can move ahead boldly,

there’s no problem,

you won’t be at fault.

Putting it all together—

remorse disappears,

you sit and eat meat with your own people,

and at this point, what fault is there

in moving forward?

None, of course.

You might be wondering,

what does this have to do

with solving problems?

A whole lot.

The Opposition Hexagram is about estrangement,

disagreement,

barriers and conflicts

between people.

The fifth line is the ruler’s position in the Opposition Hexagram,

a Yin Line in a Yang position,

very high in status.

You’d think someone in such a high position

would be able to see further,

so why would they feel remorse?

Because people who stand high up

easily make one mistake—

they take problems too seriously,

they blow disagreements way out of proportion.

You think

the other person isn’t on your side at all,

you think

this hurdle is impossible to get over,

you think

you have to fight to prove who’s right and wrong.

But what happens?

When you actually calm down,

take a step back and look,

you realize—

turns out we’re all on the same side,

there never was that big of a grudge,

and if you just sit down for a meal together,

everything can be worked out.

The Xiang Commentary says:

「厥宗噬肤，

往有庆也。」

Eating meat with your own people,

moving forward brings good fortune.

When you take a step back

and reach out first,

what you get isn’t humiliation,

it’s celebration, it’s something good.

Why the Harder You Try to Fix a Problem, the Bigger It Gets

A lot of people,

when they run into a problem,

their first instinct is

to fix it right away.

The faster the better,

the more thorough the better.

But the result is usually—

the more rushed you are, the messier it gets,

the more you try to fix it, the more complicated it becomes.

Why does this happen?

Three reasons.

First,

the problem gets magnified.

You stare at the problem every single day,

so even a tiny sesame-seed issue

starts to look as big as a watermelon.

It was just a small disagreement,

but the more you think about it, the worse it seems,

the more you convince yourself

the other person is targeting you,

that this isn’t going to end.

Actually, the other person probably

forgot all about it five minutes later,

and you’re the only one

sitting there getting more and more upset.

Second,

your actions get distorted.

You’re so desperate to fix the problem

that you start acting out of character.

You were supposed to talk it through calmly,

but in your rush you say something too harsh;

you were supposed to take it slow,

but in your hurry you push too hard.

The original problem doesn’t get solved,

and instead you create

a whole new set of problems.

The old conflict isn’t resolved,

and a new one gets piled on top,

making everything more and more tangled.

Third,

you’re going in the wrong direction.

Some problems,

the more you try to fix them,

the more they cling to you.

It’s like quicksand—

the more you struggle,

the deeper you sink.

At times like this,

the best thing to do

isn’t to keep charging forward,

it’s to stop,

take a step back,

and look at it from a different angle.

Maybe one step back

and you’ll see clearly

the root of the problem;

shift your perspective,

and you’ll find

a whole new way out.

Wen Laoshi often says,

a lot of problems

aren’t solved by forcing them—

they dissolve when you let them go.

Put them aside for a bit,

take a breather,

step back,

and when you look back at it later,

that problem

might just be gone on its own.

It’s not that the problem disappeared,

it’s that you’ve grown bigger.

Your horizons have broadened,

your perspective has expanded,

and what used to feel like a huge problem

becomes a tiny, trivial thing.

When You’re Stuck on a Problem, Try Taking One Step Back

So when you hit a wall

with a problem and just can’t move forward,

what do you do?

Try taking one step back.

Stepping back

isn’t admitting defeat—

it’s wisdom.

How do you do it, exactly?

Three things.

First,

pull yourself out of it,

don’t fixate on every tiny detail.

Put the problem aside first,

stop obsessing over it every day.

Go do something else—

work, study,

exercise, travel,

anything at all,

just don’t stare at the problem nonstop.

Wait a few days,

a few weeks, then look back at it,

and you probably won’t think

it’s that big of a deal anymore.

Those on the inside are blinded;

those on the outside see clearly.

Jump out of the situation,

and you’ll naturally see things clearly.

Second,

put yourself in the other person’s shoes,

think about it from their perspective.

You think you’re totally in the right

and they’re totally in the wrong,

but that’s because you’re

only looking at it from your own side.

Stand on their side

and take a look,

and maybe you’ll understand

why they acted that way,

why they think that way.

Once you understand,

half the problem is already solved.

A lot of conflicts,

at their core,

are just different standpoints—

not someone being right or wrong.

Third,

reach out first,

don’t stand on ceremony.

If it’s a conflict

between people,

don’t wait for the other person to back down first.

Taking the first step

isn’t embarrassing.

Say hello,

chat for a bit,

invite them out for a meal—

a lot of things

get worked out

over the dinner table.

You think the other person

has some huge grudge against you,

but actually they’re

just waiting for an out too.

Offer them that out first,

and the whole thing gets resolved.

Let me tell you a true story.

Two friends had a falling out

over a work collaboration,

stopped talking to each other,

both convinced the other was at fault.

They were stuck like that for over half a year,

neither speaking to the other.

Then one of them

finally got over it,

and invited the other out for dinner.

As soon as they saw each other,

they both laughed—

what was the big deal anyway?

Was it really worth half a year of silence?

After that one meal,

all the conflict was gone,

and their relationship was even better than before.

See?

厥宗噬肤 (Jué Zōng Shì Fū).

Sit down for a meal together,

realize we’re all on the same side,

and there never was that big of a grudge.

Take a step back,

make the first move,

and the problem gets solved.

The Wisdom of 悔亡 (Huǐ Wáng): Some Regrets Disappear When You Step Back

The very first phrase

of Six in the Fifth Place of Opposition

is—

悔亡 (Huǐ Wáng).

Remorse disappears.

Why does remorse disappear?

Because you took a step back,

you made the first move,

you fixed the problem.

So you have nothing to regret.

But for a lot of people, where does their regret come from?

It comes from stubbornly holding on.

You want to make up deep down,

but you’re too proud to say so;

you know you’re in the wrong,

but you refuse to admit it;

you know this relationship

matters a lot to you,

but you just can’t let go of your pride.

You hold on and hold on,

and the relationship fades,

disappears,

and can never be brought back.

Then you start regretting—

if only I’d

made the first move back then.

It’s too late.

There’s every kind of medicine in the world,

except medicine for regret.

So don’t let yourself have regrets.

Problems you can fix,

fix them quickly;

relationships you can save,

save them right away.

Don’t stand on pride,

don’t stubbornly hold on,

don’t wait until you’ve lost something

to realize how precious it was.

Taking one step back

isn’t losing—

it’s winning.

You win back

a relationship,

a friend,

an opportunity.

What do you lose?

Nothing at all,

at most you lose

a little bit of useless pride.

Is it worth it?

Totally worth it.

Final Thoughts

Six in the Fifth Place of Opposition tells us—

when you’re stuck and can’t move forward with a problem,

don’t bang your head against the wall,

take a step back and look.

悔亡，厥宗噬肤，

往何咎。

Remorse disappears,

you eat meat with your own people,

what fault is there in moving forward?

None, of course.

A lot of the time,

it’s not that the problem is too big—

it’s that you’re standing too close;

it’s not that the conflict is too deep—

it’s that you’re overthinking it.

Step back,

and the sea is wide and the sky is clear;

give a little ground,

and you’ll find a way through the darkness.

Remember,

the solution to a problem

doesn’t always lie inside the problem itself.

Sometimes when you

take one step back,

the solution shows up on its own.

If you can’t move forward,

go around the side;

if the side is blocked too,

go back the way you came.

There isn’t only one road,

and there isn’t only one way to do things.

In this life,

what we need to learn

isn’t just how to charge forward—

but also how to step back.

Charging forward takes courage,

stepping back takes wisdom.

With both courage and strategy,

you can go the distance.

厥宗噬肤，往何咎。

Be bold to reach out,

to reconcile,

to resolve things—

there’s nothing to be afraid of.

Moving forward

brings celebration,

not blame.