What to Do About Workplace Backstabbers? Hexagram Meng Top Nine: Don’t Confront Them, Just Nail This One Thing

What do you do when you run into a toxic coworker at work?

Most people’s first instinct is: fight back.

If they badmouth you behind your back, you snap back at them in the group chat.

If they take credit for your work, you go tattle to the boss.

If they make your job harder on purpose, you pay them back and trip them up too.

And what happens in the end?

More often than not, both sides end up worse off.

They get in trouble, but you don’t come out smelling like roses either. The boss thinks neither of you is easy to work with, and your coworkers think you’re both drama magnets.

You started out as the wronged party, but by the end of it, you’re the one everyone labels “difficult to mess with.”

It’s just not worth it.

So what’s the alternative? Grin and bear it? That doesn’t work either. The more you put up with it, the more they push their luck. Today they steal your credit; tomorrow they’ll step on you to climb the ladder.

Feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place, right?

Don’t worry — the **Top Line of the Meng Hexagram (Youthful Folly)** already has the answer for you.

What the Top Line of the Meng Hexagram Says

The Line Text for the final line of the Meng Hexagram reads: **击蒙，不利为寇，利御寇。 (Ji Meng, bu li wei kou, li yu kou / Striking at ignorance: it is not favorable to act as an aggressor; it is favorable to defend against aggression.)**

It sounds a bit cryptic, so let me break it down line by line.

“Ji Meng” — striking at ignorance. Plainly put, it means dealing with people who are muddleheaded and cause trouble.

The Meng Hexagram lays out a six-line path of enlightenment: from arousing ignorance, to embracing ignorance, to being trapped by ignorance, to childlike ignorance — all teaching you how to help yourself and others gain clarity.

But when you get to the final line, it tells you this: not everyone can be “enlightened.” Some people are just willfully ignorant, just confused, just unreasonable. You can’t “awaken” them no matter how hard you try.

So what do you do?

“It is not favorable to act as an aggressor; it is favorable to defend against aggression.”

“Acting as an aggressor” means主动 attacking, picking fights, being the one who makes the first move.

“Defending against aggression” means holding your ground, fending them off, fighting back only when they come for you.

Put together, it means: when dealing with troublemakers, don’t go looking for trouble — that works against you. But stay on your guard; if they come after you, fighting back works in your favor.

This line is basically an eight-character cheat code for dealing with toxic people.

Why shouldn’t you strike first?

Because toxic people are “meng” — ignorant themselves, and they want to drag you into their ignorance too. The second you make the first move, they’ve got ammo: “Look, they started it, not me.”

Then they step into the “victim” role and put on a show. People who don’t know the full story might actually think *you’re* the one bullying *them*.

The **Xiang Commentary (Images)** says: **“利御寇，上下顺也。 (Li yu kou, shang xia shun ye / It is favorable to defend against aggression, for those above and below will follow what is right.)”**

Why is defending and countering favorable? Because it’s morally justified, and you have a legitimate reason to act.

If they throw the first punch and you hit back, everyone sees exactly what happened. You’re in the right, and everyone takes your side.

If *you* throw the first punch, you lose the moral high ground. Even if you’re in the right, people will wonder: are you being too petty? Did you pick this fight on purpose?

That’s just human nature.

People don’t look at who’s right or wrong — they look at who started it.

What Toxic People Fear Most Isn’t You Fighting Back

A lot of people like to “match wits and fight dirty” when dealing with toxic coworkers.

If they trip you up, you dig a pit for them. If they badmouth you behind your back, you spread dirt on them. If they steal your credit, you poach their clients.

But after going back and forth for a while, you realize — you can’t actually out-fight them.

Why?

Because toxic people are *professionals* at this. They study this stuff every day, treating sabotage like a full-time job. You? You have actual work to do, and a life outside of work. The energy you spend on these petty games is energy you could’ve used to improve yourself.

You can’t afford to burn out playing their game.

What’s more, after fighting long enough, you’ll realize — you’re starting to turn into a toxic person yourself.

You weren’t like this before. You used to be open and aboveboard, saying what you meant. But after fighting dirty with toxic people for too long, you start learning scheming tricks, manipulative tactics, and backstabbing.

Is that really worth it?

What toxic people fear most is never you fighting them head-on.

What they fear is — you refusing to play their game.

If they badmouth you behind your back, you pretend you didn’t hear a thing and keep doing your job.

If they steal your credit, you stay quiet and make sure you keep proof next time.

If they make your job harder, you don’t lash out — you just quietly do your work well.

They throw a punch, and you don’t meet it. Their fist hits cotton — all that force, nowhere to land.

After a while, they get frustrated. When they get frustrated, they make mistakes. When they make mistakes, they slip up and expose themselves.

You don’t even have to lift a finger — they’ll self-destruct on their own.

That’s the core of “favorable to defend against aggression”: I don’t go looking for trouble, but I’m not afraid of trouble when it comes. I hold my ground, and if you dare to cross me, you’ll hit a brick wall.

If you don’t make mistakes, *they* will be the ones messing up.

Three Common Types of Toxic Coworkers, and Three Ways to Handle Them

There are three common types of toxic people in the workplace. Each calls for a different approach, so let’s go through them one by one.

**Type 1: The Backstabber (Badmouths You Behind Your Back)**

This is the most common type. They’re all nice to your face, but the second you turn around, they’re telling everyone how you’re bad at this or that.

How to handle them?

Two words: **don’t engage.**

If you hear they’ve been talking trash about you, *do not* confront them. The second you confront them, it becomes a personal feud between the two of you. Other people will assume you two have some kind of history.

Just act like you didn’t hear a thing.

Keep doing your job the way you always have, and keep interacting with them the way you always have. Be neither humble nor arrogant, keep them at a polite distance.

They might badmouth you once or twice, and some people might believe them. But if they keep doing it, people will get annoyed.

No one’s stupid. If someone’s always talking behind other people’s backs, everyone just thinks: why is this person so gossipy? They’re talking about others today — will they talk about *me* tomorrow?

After a while, no one will believe a word they say. They’ll just come off as unreliable.

And you? You didn’t do a thing, and you won.

What’s this called? “Subduing the enemy without fighting.”

**Type 2: The Credit Stealer**

This one’s even more infuriating. You spend ages working on a proposal, and they take it to the boss and say it was their idea. You pull all-nighters on a project, and they don’t even mention your name in the report.

What do you do?

Call them out in the moment? No — that makes you look petty, and the boss will think you’re dramatic.

Grin and bear it? Also no — if they get away with it once, they’ll do it again.

How to fix this?

Two words: **keep proof.**

From now on, send proposals via email, and CC everyone involved.

Take meeting minutes during discussions, and post them in the group chat.

When it’s time to report on work, find a chance to update the boss directly yourself.

This isn’t about fighting them for credit — it’s about making it impossible for them to steal it.

Credit isn’t just whoever claims it first. Everyone knows who actually did the work. They can steal it once or twice, but they can’t steal it forever.

If you keep proof every time, if you leave a paper trail, next time they try to steal your work, they’ll think twice.

What if the boss asks for details and they can’t answer? They’ll be exposed right then and there.

That’s what “favorable to defend against aggression” means — I won’t主动 call you out, but I’ve got my defenses up so you can’t get through.

If you can’t break through, you have to retreat.

**Type 3: The Excluder (Gangs Up to Freeze You Out)**

If you’re new at a company, or if you’re so good that people get jealous, you might run into this: a group of people form a clique, isolate you, exclude you, and leave you out of everything.

This one’s the most draining.

You don’t know what they’re talking about, but you can feel the bad vibe. They don’t invite you to meetings, they don’t wait for you at lunch, and they make snide, passive-aggressive comments.

A lot of people handle this one of two ways: either they try to fit in and suck up to the group, or they fight back and give them a taste of their own medicine.

Neither approach is right.

If you suck up to them, you lose your dignity. The more you please them, the more they look down on you and bully you.

If you fight back, you let them drag you down to their level. You spend all day figuring out how to get back at them, and your actual work suffers.

What’s the right way to handle it?

Two words: **stand firm.**

You don’t chase their approval, but you do your own work well. At work, you’re professional, reliable, and you help anyone who asks. As a person, you’re generous, honest, and neither overly humble nor arrogant.

After a while, everyone will realize: oh, they’re not what that group said they are. They’re actually a really good person.

People have a way of seeing the truth.

Who actually does the work, who just causes trouble; who’s genuine, who’s faking it; who has real skills, who’s all talk — given enough time, everyone sees it clearly.

The people excluding you can’t keep it up forever. They’ll have their own internal conflicts, and they’ll fall out with each other too.

As long as you stand firm, don’t waver, and don’t dance to their tune — in the end, *they* will be the ones who lose.

The Core Logic of Dealing With Toxic People

For all these strategies, the core logic boils down to one sentence —

**Don’t let a toxic person drag you down to their level, then beat you with their years of experience.**

What’s a toxic person’s biggest weapon? Their time, and their lack of a bottom line.

They’ve got all the time in the world — they can spend an entire day plotting how to mess with you. You can’t; you have actual work to do.

They’ve got no底线 — they’ll pull every dirty trick in the book. You can’t; you have your principles and your dignity.

If you fight them, you’ve already lost from the start. Because you’re using your hobby-level skills to go up against their professional expertise.

So how do you win?

**Don’t play on their level at all.**

If they’re down in the gutter, don’t climb down there with them. Stay up high, keep doing your thing. Let them jump around and make noise down below.

Sooner or later, they’ll get tired and stop.

Or, if they jump around too wildly, they’ll fall right into the gutter themselves.

It has nothing to do with you.

Wen Laoshi often says: the greatest skill in the workplace isn’t being able to fight everyone — it’s being someone no one can mess with.

Do your work well, be a good person, and widen your own path.

Toxic people are just little rocks on your road.

Just walk around them.

There’s no point stopping to argue with a rock.

A Few Final Words

The Meng Hexagram, from its First Line to its Top Line, tells a complete story of enlightenment.

From the initial “arousing ignorance,” through the middle stages of “embracing ignorance,” “being trapped by ignorance,” and “childlike ignorance,” all the way to the final “striking at ignorance” of the Top Line.

What it’s really telling you is this: in your life, not everyone can be “enlightened” by you.

Some people *choose* to stay in the dark, *choose* to be confused, *choose* to cause trouble.

You can’t awaken them, and you can’t save them.

All you can do is make sure their ignorance doesn’t affect *you*.

“It is not favorable to act as an aggressor; it is favorable to defend against aggression.”

Don’t go looking for trouble, but don’t be afraid of trouble when it comes.

Don’t hurt others on purpose, but don’t let others hurt you either.

Don’t stoop to a toxic person’s level, but never let yourself get taken advantage of.

That’s the real way for adults to protect themselves.

The workplace is a big place — you’ll meet all kinds of people.

Meeting good people is your luck.

Meeting toxic people is your practice.

Don’t let a toxic person ruin your path.

You’ve still got a long way to go.