Tai Hexagram Nine in Third Place: Why Does Love Fade Over Time? It’s Because You Forgot This Line

Have you ever felt this way?

When you’re dating, everything feels perfect. You feed each other bites at meals, hold hands everywhere you go, and text nonstop even if you’re apart for five minutes. You’re convinced this is the person you’ll spend your life with, and they swear they’ll never marry anyone but you.

Then a few years into marriage, everything changes.

You both scroll on your phones when you get home, barely talk over dinner, and bicker the second you do speak. Once, you’d fret over him even sneezing; now, you can’t be bothered to hand him a tissue when he has a cold. You say he’s changed, he says you’ve changed, and both of you feel like the other person isn’t who you fell for.

So who actually changed?

The truth is, neither of you has. You’ve just forgotten one simple truth: There’s no relationship that’s only sweet without hardship, and no bond that only goes up without ever dipping.

The third line of the Tai (Peace) Hexagram in the I Ching puts this perfectly. It reads: "无平不陂，无往不复，艰贞无咎，勿恤其孚，于食有福。" (No plain without a slope; no going without returning. Persevering through hardship brings no blame. Do not grieve over sincerity; there is good fortune in sustenance.)

No Road Stays Flat Forever

What does "无平不陂" mean? "Ping" (平) means flat, smooth, or going well. "Bei" (陂) means a slope, bump, or rough patch. Put together, it means: No road stays flat forever. As you walk, you’ll always hit uphill stretches, downhill slopes, and potholes along the way.

The Nine in the Third Place (九三) of the Tai Hexagram is a fascinating position. It’s the top line of the lower Qian (The Creative) Trigram, a Yang Line in a yang position, right on the boundary where heaven and earth meet. The three yang lines below push upward, and the three yin lines above move downward — at the Nine in the Third Place, Tai (Peace) reaches its peak. Go any higher, and things start to shift.

That’s why the Line Text for the Nine in the Third Place starts with a reality check: "No plain without a slope."

Don’t assume that because your relationship is good now, it’ll stay that way forever. Don’t think that because things are smooth right now, they’ll never get bumpy. Nothing in the world works like that.

Wen Laoshi often says: "When Tai (Peace) reaches its extreme, it turns to Pi (Standstill). When good fortune peaks, change follows. What you think is 'forever' is always just a phase."

Look at couples who’ve grown old together. You only see them holding hands on walks in their later years. You don’t see how many fights they had when they were young, how many bowls they smashed, how many times they threatened to get divorced.

Why did they make it? Not because their relationship was always sweet and perfect, but because they knew: Relationships naturally have their ups and downs. Don’t get cocky when things are good, and don’t despair when they’re bad.

A lot of people panic the second a relationship hits a rough patch. They think, "It’s over, he doesn’t love me anymore" or "We can’t make this work." But it’s not that you can’t go on — you’ve just hit a slope. Slopes are normal. They’re not the end. Climb over it, and there’s flat road ahead again.

Nothing Only Goes One Way

The second line hits even harder: "无往不复" (No going without returning). "Wang" (往) means to go, to give, to move forward. "Fu" (复) means to come back, to be repaid, to cycle.

Put together, it means: Nothing only goes out without coming back in, and no road goes straight forever without turning back. Everything in the world moves in cycles.

What does that mean for relationships? It means you can’t expect the other person to always be the one giving, and you can’t expect to always be the one giving either. Relationships are a two-way street — they only last if there’s give and take.

If you always make him dote on you, he’ll get tired of it eventually. If you’re always the one迁就 him, you’ll run out of patience sooner or later. What does a healthy relationship look like? One day you let him have his way, the next day he lets you have yours. One day you put in a little extra effort, the next day he makes up for it. Back and forth, and the bond grows deeper.

The worst thing? One-sided effort. One person gives their all, while the other just takes. The giver will grow cold sooner or later, and the taker will get used to being spoiled. Then one day, when the giver stops giving, the taker will say, "Why did you change?"

Nothing changed. You just forgot "no going without returning": In this world, what goes around comes around. If you give, there should be a response. Keep walking in one direction only, and you’ll hit a wall sooner or later.

I’ve seen so many examples of this. A girl dotes on her boyfriend hand and foot — cooks for him, does his laundry, spends her money on him — and then he cheats. She cries, "I was so good to him, why would he do this to me?"

Why? Because you were too good to him, so good he started taking it for granted. You only walked in one direction, went too far, and he forgot he was supposed to meet you halfway.

That’s why the Nine in the Third Place says "no going without returning." It’s not telling you to stop giving. It’s telling you don’t give one-sidedly, don’t keep going down a dead-end road. Relationships are for two people. There has to be give and take.

When Times Are Tough, Hold Steady and You’ll Be Fine

So what do you do when you hit a downhill stretch? The Nine in the Third Place says: "艰贞无咎" (Persevering through hardship brings no blame).

"Jian" (艰) means hardship, difficulty. "Zhen" (贞) means holding to what’s right, persevering. "Wu Jiu" (无咎) means no fault, no serious trouble.

Put together, it means: When times are hard, hold onto your original intention and stay on the right path, and nothing major will go wrong.

What’s the hardest time in a relationship? It’s not the giddy early dating phase, and it’s not the quiet companionship of old age. It’s the middle part: when the passion fades, the newness wears off, all each other’s flaws come out, and life starts to feel plain.

This is when problems pop up most easily. You think he doesn’t love you enough; he thinks you’re not gentle enough. You resent him for not being ambitious enough; he resents you for being too high-maintenance. Everything about each other gets on your nerves, and random people outside seem better than the one you’re with.

What do you do?

The Nine in the Third Place tells you: "Persevere through hardship." When times are tough, you have to hang in there, you have to hold steady. Hold onto the reason you got together in the first place. Stick to your bottom line and principles. Don’t do stupid things when you’re struggling, don’t look for a backup when you’re vulnerable, don’t run away when things feel dull.

Hold steady, and you’ll get through this. Once it’s over, you’ll find your relationship is deeper than before — because you walked through the hardest part together.

Wen Laoshi once said: "A good relationship isn’t one where you never fight — it’s one where you still want to eat together after fighting. It’s not one where nothing ever goes wrong — it’s one where you still want to fix things together when they do."

"Persevering through hardship brings no blame" is a reassurance for everyone struggling in a relationship: Hard times are normal. You’ll get through it. But the catch is, you have to hold steady.

Stop Doubting — Steady Days Bring Good Fortune

There are two more lines: "勿恤其孚，于食有福" (Do not grieve over sincerity; there is good fortune in sustenance).

"Xu" (恤) means worry, anxiety. "Fu" (孚) means sincerity, trust. "Yu Shi You Fu" (于食有福) literally means good fortune around eating — in plain terms, it means life goes well, you have enough to eat, and you live a stable, comfortable life.

Put together, it means: Stop constantly doubting the other person’s sincerity. Stop obsessing over whether they love you. Live steadily and earnestly, and good fortune will come naturally.

A lot of people feel really insecure in relationships. If he texts back late, she thinks, "He doesn’t love me anymore." If he talks to another woman, she wonders, "Is he falling for someone else?" If he’s quiet one day, she builds up a whole dramatic scenario in her head.

Guessing and overthinking like that every day — isn’t it exhausting?

The Nine in the Third Place says "do not grieve over sincerity" — stop constantly worrying that the other person isn’t being genuine. The more you worry, the more you’ll act out; the more you act out, the more tired they’ll get; the more tired they get, the more likely the relationship is to run into trouble. Isn’t that a vicious cycle?

Of course, trust isn’t blind. You should have a good sense of whether the other person is worth trusting. But if they’re really not doing anything wrong, stop overthinking it on your own.

"There is good fortune in sustenance" — real happiness isn’t saying "I love you" every day. It’s two people being able to sit down and eat a meal together peacefully. One home, two people, three meals a day, four seasons a year — that’s the most real, solid good fortune there is.

Look at old couples who’ve been together their whole lives. They don’t say sweet nothings, but watch them at dinner: the old man will quietly put his wife’s favorite dish on her plate, and the old woman will swap his rice bowl for a fresh hot one. That’s "good fortune in sustenance" — all the luck is right there at the everyday dinner table.

Final Thoughts

The Nine in the Third Place of the Tai Hexagram — "No plain without a slope; no going without returning. Persevering through hardship brings no blame. Do not grieve over sincerity; there is good fortune in sustenance" — really boils down to one thing: A good relationship isn’t a smooth, flat road — it’s choosing to walk together even when you know there will be ups and downs. It’s not one-sided giving — it’s mutual give and take and cherishing each other. It’s not the absence of difficulty — it’s holding onto your original intention when times are hard.

Why is the Tai Hexagram called "Peace"? Not because it’s always good, but because it knows good times will turn bad, and bad times will turn good again. Once you understand that pattern, you won’t get cocky when things are going well, and you won’t despair and give up when they’re not.

The same goes for relationships.

Don’t expect a relationship to be sweet and perfect forever — that’s not realistic.

Don’t expect the other person to be passionate and fiery forever — that’s impossible.

Don’t want to break up the second you hit a problem — that’s running away.

True longevity comes from knowing "no plain without a slope" so you don’t get restless, knowing "no going without returning" so you know to cherish each other, knowing "persevering through hardship brings no blame" so you can stick it out, and finally "good fortune in sustenance" — living steadily and well is the greatest good fortune of all.

So if your relationship has hit a rough patch lately, don’t rush, don’t panic. Ask yourself: Did I hold onto my original intention? Did I cherish the other person? Am I living my days steadily and earnestly?

If the answer is yes, then rest assured. You’ll climb over this slope. Flat road is still waiting for you both up ahead.