Xiaoxu Hexagram: When You Get Rich, People Around You Change — It’s About Sharing Prosperity, Not Giving Away Money

A boss who runs an engineering business told me he dreads Chinese New Year more than anything.

This exact scenario is laid out clearly in the Hexagram of The Taming Power of the Small (風天小畜) when applied to wealth matters.

I said, “What’s so scary about New Year?”

He said, “New Year means going home, and when you get home, there’s a whole table of people waiting. Half of them are there to borrow money.”

He said, “The year before last, I lent out over 600,000 yuan and got less than 100,000 back. Last year I wised up and didn’t lend a cent. Then my mom said I’d changed.”

I asked, “Was your mom right?”

He was quiet for a moment, then said, “I don’t know.”

In the wealth context of The Taming Power of the Small, there’s a line that hits exactly this point: 有孚挛如，富以其邻 (With sincerity and trust, bound together; one shares prosperity with one’s neighbors).

First: What The Taming Power of the Small Hexagram Covers

The Taming Power of the Small has Xun / The Gentle (wind) above and Qian / The Creative (heaven) below — wind moving across the sky.

The Hexagram Judgment says: “Dense clouds, no rain, from my western outskirts.”

Clouds gather thick, but rain hasn’t fallen yet. This is the “accumulating” stage.

Pay attention to the word “small” here. The Taming Power of the Small isn’t about great wealth — it’s about modest savings and accumulation.

When it comes to wealth, this hexagram isn’t about how to get rich quick. It’s about how to save, how to hold on to what you have, and how to avoid mistakes before you’re fully wealthy.

This is crucial. For most people, the problem isn’t earning money — it’s keeping it.

There are lots of reasons people can’t hold on to money, and one of the most overlooked is the people around them.

Nine in the Fifth Place (九五): 有孚挛如，富以其邻 (With sincerity and trust, bound together; one shares prosperity with one’s neighbors)

The Nine in the Fifth Place is the ruler’s position in this hexagram, the most favorable spot in the whole cast.

The Line Text reads: 有孚挛如，富以其邻 (With sincerity and trust, bound together; one shares prosperity with one’s neighbors).

“Fu” (sincerity/trust) means trustworthiness. “Luan ru” (bound together) describes being linked, tied closely to others.

“Fu yi qi lin” (sharing prosperity with neighbors) means bringing your own prosperity to those around you.

The Xiang Commentary adds four critical words: “Bu du fu ye” — not keeping wealth to yourself.

Not hoarding prosperity alone.

A lot of people misinterpret these four words.

They think it means “when you get rich, you have to give money to everyone.”

That’s not it.

This hexagram is about “xu” — accumulation. If you give away everything you’ve saved, you’re back at the Nine at the Beginning (初九), starting over from scratch.

The real meaning of “sharing prosperity with neighbors” is sharing the ability to earn money with those around you — not giving away the money you’ve already earned.

One gives opportunity; the other gives the end result.

Giving the result breeds dependency. Giving opportunity builds capability.

Three Types of People Who Borrow Money — Treat Them Differently

I usually tell people to sort those who ask for money into three categories.

First type: Emergency needs.

Hospital bills, accidents, a shortfall for a child’s school fees. For this kind of money, give what you can afford — and when you give it, treat it as a gift, not a loan.

Because if you treat it as a loan and never get it back, you’ll carry resentment. Treat it as a gift, and there’s no resentment.

Second type: Short-term cash flow needs.

Someone running a business hits a temporary gap and says they’ll pay you back in a couple of months. For this, check one thing: do they have real accounts?

If they have books, cash flow, and a clear path to paying you back, you can discuss terms — set a clear timeline, repayment method, and collateral.

If there are no books, just a line like “you can trust me,” this isn’t a cash flow issue — it’s a black hole you’ll be filling.

Third type: Habitual borrowers.

These people don’t lack money — they lack the ability to earn it, and they have a well-established habit of borrowing.

If you lend them money, you’re not helping them — you’re just prolonging their problem. Keep it up, and you’ll both sink together.

The Nine in the Fifth Place talks about being “bound together” — but before you tie yourself to someone, you have to know exactly who you’re tying yourself to.

Sharing Prosperity Without Touching Your Own Money: Three Approaches

First: Share information.

You know which suppliers have the best stock, which platforms are easiest to sell on, which routes save money. These things cost nothing to share, but they’re worth more than cash.

I know a factory owner who never lends money to relatives, but he gives them his full supplier list, price quotes, and quality inspection standards.

In three years, he helped four people start their own small factories. All four of those factories now supply his business.

That’s what “sharing prosperity with neighbors” means. You don’t lose a cent, and you gain a whole network of people.

Second: Pass on work.

If you have more orders than you can handle, pass some along. If you’re short-staffed for a project, hire people you know first.

This isn’t charity — it’s business. And business ties last longer than charity.

Third: Set clear boundaries.

Say it plainly: “I don’t lend money, but I can help with the actual problem.”

It’s hard to say out loud, but you have to say it.

Because if you don’t, people will keep testing you. They’ll try once, twice, until you finally snap and say something harsh — and then the relationship is truly broken.

Saying it early is better than saying it late.

The Two Worst Ways to “Share Prosperity”

First: Giving everything away.

I know a restaurant owner who made money and gave each of his two brothers a restaurant to run.

Two years later, two of the three shops had closed. The only one left was the one he ran himself.

He told me, “I gave them a restaurant, but what they got was a pile of debt.”

He never passed on the know-how for rent, staffing, supply chains, fire safety, customer complaints — none of it.

Giving people the end result without the skills is like pushing them into a fire.

Second: Refusing to help at all, and making sure everyone knows it.

There aren’t many people like this, but they hurt the most.

Because money changes the way people look at you — faster than anything.

Once you’re well-off, a casual “I’ve been busy lately” sounds to other people like “he looks down on me now.”

That’s the warning this hexagram gives for wealth: when money changes, relationships change with it. You can’t avoid it.

If you can’t avoid it, you have to take control of how it plays out.

Draw the Line Early: How Far Will You Go to Help?

The biggest mistake people make with “sharing prosperity” is having no bottom line.

You help once, then twice, until you can’t keep up yourself.

I tell people to draw three lines ahead of time.

First line: The money line.

Decide the maximum amount you’re willing to give to family and friends in a year. Write down a fixed number — no exceptions.

When it’s fixed, you won’t panic. When someone asks, you check your notebook. If you’ve hit the limit, you say so.

Second line: The action line.

Decide what kinds of help you can give, and what you absolutely won’t touch.

You can help someone find a job, review a business plan, make an introduction. You can’t co-sign loans, take on someone else’s debt, or sign documents on their behalf.

This line is more important than the money line. Losing money is just money — losing your home over a signature is everything.

Third line: The time line.

Decide the maximum amount of time you’ll spend helping with any one thing.

Three months? A year?

If there’s no progress by then, stop.

Stopping isn’t being cruel. It’s admitting you can’t fix the problem.

I’ve seen someone handle this perfectly. Before he helped his younger brother open a shop, he said: “I’ll support you for 12 months. After 12 months, no matter how it’s going, I’m out.”

After 12 months, the shop hadn’t worked out. He stepped back. His brother now works as a store manager at someone else’s shop, and they still get along fine.

He said, “If I’d kept helping, we wouldn’t be speaking to each other now.”

This hexagram is about accumulation — and accumulation only works if you have a bottom line.

Help without limits, and in the end, both of you end up with nothing.

The System: One Piece of Paper, Three Lines

I tell people to write this down on a piece of paper and stick it in their office drawer.

First line: What I can help with. Be specific — list actions, not money.

Second line: What I can’t help with. Be specific here too. No lending money, no co-signing, no getting involved in other people’s business partnerships.

Third line: How to say no. Write a ready-made line and practice it until it feels natural.

For example: “I really can’t lend you money — I have a rule, I don’t lend to friends or family. But I can help you figure out a solution for this problem. Tell me what’s going on.”

The sooner you say these three things, the less hurt you’ll cause.

What Happened Next

The boss who dreaded New Year went home the following year and did one thing differently.

He didn’t bring cash. He brought something else: a full set of pricing templates and inspection checklists he’d built up over 10+ years in the engineering business.

At the New Year’s dinner table, he said: “I don’t lend money. But if anyone needs work, come with me.”

Two people went with him that year. Now one has six pieces of equipment of his own, and the other runs three construction sites.

He told me, “My mom doesn’t nag me about it anymore.”

The Nine in the Fifth Place of The Taming Power of the Small says: “富以其邻，不独富也” (Sharing prosperity with neighbors, not keeping wealth to yourself).

Put simply: getting rich on your own isn’t real success. When the people around you can eat because of you too — that’s when you’ve truly found your footing.

Money comes and goes. People stay.