How to Tell If Someone Is Sincere? Hexagram Reading: 九二 (Nine in the Second Place) Points to 3 Key Clues

This thing is explained perfectly by the second line of the Hexagram Reading in the *I Ching (Book of Changes)*.

What’s the hardest part of love?

It’s not fighting,

it’s not the silent treatment,

it’s not knowing for sure if the other person is being genuine.

He says he loves you—

does he really mean it,

or is he just saying it casually?

He’s nice to you—

is he truly caring,

or just flirting with you?

A lot of people trip up on this question—

they either believe everything and love so hard they lose themselves,

only to end up badly hurt and deceived;

or they doubt everything, checking phones and demanding constant updates every day,

and even the best relationship gets worn away by their behavior.

Neither of these approaches is right.

So what’s a reliable way to judge?

The second line of the Hexagram Reading from the *I Ching*

is exactly about this.

The Line Text says: 田获三狐，得黄矢，贞吉 (Catching three foxes in the field, obtaining the yellow arrow; perseverance brings good fortune).

Hunting in the fields,

you catch three foxes

and find a yellow arrow—

staying upright and correct brings good fortune.

Sounds like it has nothing to do with love, right?

Let me break it down for you, and you’ll get it.

Foxes are a metaphor for hidden risks, problems, and small troubles.

“Three foxes” means multiple hidden risks.

The yellow arrow—

yellow is the color of the center, the color of correctness;

an arrow is straight, upright, and firm.

Put together, the “yellow arrow”

stands for the way of central correctness, and an upright heart.

The whole line means this:

if you observe carefully, root out all the hidden risks in your relationship,

hold to an upright, unbiased heart to judge fairly,

your relationship will stay steady.

Catching Three Foxes in the Field — How to Spot Hidden Risks in Love

Foxes hide in the grass of the fields—

you can’t see them if you don’t look carefully.

Problems in love are the same way:

at first they’re just small issues, small conflicts, little awkward moments,

hidden and tucked away, not obvious.

If you don’t pay attention, if you’re not careful,

you’ll never spot them.

By the time they grow big and blow up, it’s too late.

How do you spot hidden risks in a relationship?

From three angles.

First, watch actions, don’t just listen to words.

To tell if someone is genuine,

don’t look at what they say—look at what they do.

Anyone can spout sweet words;

real care and effort show through actions.

He says he loves you,

but when you’re sick he doesn’t care,

when you need him he’s nowhere to be found,

when you have something going on he’s busier than anyone—

what kind of genuine love is that?

No matter how nice the words sound,

they mean nothing without action.

Second, notice small details, not just big events.

Everyone can put on a show for big occasions;

it’s the small details that reveal true feelings.

Does he remember your favorite foods?

Does he care about your health?

Does he take to heart the offhand things you say?

The truest feelings hide in the details.

A person can perform for big events,

but they can’t keep up an act in small details for long.

Third, look at consistency over time, not just one moment.

It’s normal for someone to be nice to you at first—

that’s the chase, the honeymoon phase.

Being nice to you consistently? That’s the real deal.

As time goes on, when the excitement fades and the newness wears off,

is he still nice to you?

Has his attitude changed?

The truth of a relationship hides in how things change over time.

Being nice while chasing you doesn’t count;

being nice even after he’s “won you over” is what’s real.

Obtaining the Yellow Arrow — How to Judge with Central Correctness

Why can’t so many people see the truth in their relationships?

It’s not that the other person is too good at pretending—

it’s that you’re blinded by your own emotions:

when you love him, everything about him is perfect, you ignore his flaws;

when you doubt him, everything he does looks like cheating, even his good traits feel fake.

If you let your emotions lead you around,

you’ll never see the truth clearly.

How do you judge with central correctness?

Three principles.

First, don’t make judgments when you’re emotional.

Don’t make decisions when you’re angry;

don’t believe everything when you’re head over heels in love.

Wait until your emotions settle, until you’re calm,

then look, then think, then judge.

Most decisions made when you’re emotionally worked up

are wrong.

Second, don’t trust one-sided accounts.

Don’t believe everything he says just because he says it;

don’t believe everything bad people say about him either.

See for yourself, feel for yourself, judge for yourself.

Listening to both sides brings clarity; trusting only one side leads to delusion.

Third, hold to your own bottom line.

In love, you need your own principles, your own bottom line, your own standards for judgment.

What things can you forgive?

What things are absolutely unacceptable?

You need to be clear on that in your heart.

You can’t just because you love someone

tolerate everything, forgive everything.

If your bottom line crumbles, you lose.

How to Tell If Someone Is Being Genuine

Step one: observe carefully.

Don’t just listen to words—

watch actions, notice details, look at consistency over time.

Actions are real, details hide true feelings, consistency reveals real love.

Be a little more careful,

and a lot of hidden risks actually show signs early on.

Step two: judge with central correctness.

Don’t be swayed by emotions,

don’t be fooled by sweet words,

and don’t be paranoid either.

Calm down, look at things objectively, analyze rationally.

Only when you’re centered can you see the truth clearly;

only when you’re upright will you make the right call.

Step three: deal with issues promptly.

When you spot a problem, when you root out a hidden risk,

don’t bottle it up, don’t endure it silently, don’t pretend everything is fine.

If small problems aren’t fixed, they’ll turn into big conflicts sooner or later.

Talk when you need to talk, chat when you need to chat, change when you need to change—

only when things are out in the open and resolved can the relationship move forward.

If it really can’t be fixed,

then part on good terms, don’t waste each other’s time.

A Final Word

Love is the kind of thing

where being muddle-headed is the worst:

you either believe everything blindly,

or doubt everything blindly.

“Catching three foxes in the field” —

carefully root out the hidden risks in your relationship;

“obtaining the yellow arrow” —

hold to an upright, centered heart;

“perseverance brings good fortune” —

staying correct and upright brings good fortune, and genuine feelings won’t be wasted.

So here’s the thing:

to judge if someone is being genuine,

don’t go by feelings, don’t guess—

watch their actions, notice the details, look at how things change over time,

stay calm, be objective, hold to your bottom line.

No matter how cunning a fox is, it can’t stay hidden forever;

no matter how low-key genuine feelings are, you’ll always be able to see them.

The key is—

are you willing to look?

Remember the reminder from the second line of the Hexagram Reading: genuine feelings aren’t spoken with the mouth—they’re seen in how the other person acts when it matters.

The wisdom of this second line, put simply, is this: when times are tough, choosing the right direction matters more than pushing through blindly.

It’s about whether you dare to face the truth.