Hexagram Reading: Untangle the Person Holding You Back — Nine in the Fourth Place of Deliverance: True Friends Show Up After the Crowd Leaves

For the Nine in the Fourth Place of the *Deliverance* Hexagram, the Line Text reads:

「解而拇，朋至斯孚。」

解而拇 — Untie your thumb.

朋至斯孚 — When friends come, sincere trust follows.

The character "thumb" is used brilliantly here. The thumb is the most flexible, frequently used, and indispensable finger on the hand. If it gets tangled up, the whole hand becomes useless.

In the context of the *I Ching*, "thumb" usually refers to the person closest to you, the most intimate one, and the hardest to break away from.

1. Why "Thumb"?

The Nine in the Fourth Place holds a very special position in the *Deliverance* Hexagram.

The *Deliverance* Hexagram is all about "freeing yourself". The Six at the Beginning talks about just escaping hardship; the Nine in the Second Place is about staying on the middle path; the Six in the Third Place warns against forcing things; and the Nine in the Fourth Place is about — untying that last thing that’s still clinging to you.

Why use "thumb"? Because what tangles you up is rarely a stranger — it’s usually the people closest to you.

A friend who constantly drains you

A partner you can’t live with, but who suffocates you

A family member who always takes and never gives

An elder who claims to have your best interests at heart, but is actually controlling you

These people are like a string around your thumb: small, but if you can’t untie it, your whole hand is useless.

2. "When Friends Come, Sincere Trust Follows": New People Come Only After You Clear Space

The second half of this line text hits the hardest.

"朋至斯孚" — When friends come, sincere trust follows.

Notice the order of logic here: first untie the thumb, then friends come.

It’s not "friends come to help you untie it" — it’s "once you untie it, friends will come".

Why? Because someone who’s all tangled up has no room for new relationships.

Your time is completely taken up

Your energy is totally drained

Your judgment is skewed

Even the way you speak becomes overly cautious

Other people can tell right away: this person’s carrying something heavy — get too close, and you’ll get pulled into it too.

So it’s not that real friends don’t want to come — they can’t.

3. The Weight of the Word "Fu" (Sincerity/Trust)

"Fu" means sincerity, trust, a heart-to-heart confirmation.

The line text doesn’t say "friends come to help you" — it says "friends come with sincere trust".

This difference is crucial.

Friends who help you out are part of an exchange; friends who open their hearts to you are part of a real relationship.

What the Nine in the Fourth Place offers isn’t someone to rescue you — it’s someone who truly wants to be with you.

And that only happens after you’ve cleaned up your own space.

4. Why "Untying" Is So Hard

Untying a string around your thumb sounds simple in theory. In reality, it’s extremely difficult, for four reasons:

First, emotional debt. They’ve done favors for me before — how could I cut them off?

Second, fear. What will I do if I’m all alone after this?

Third, habit. We’ve been interacting this way for ten years — changing it would feel wrong.

Fourth, guilt. Am I being too selfish by doing this?

Every single one of these reasons feels valid, and every single one can keep you stuck.

But the result of staying stuck is: you never free yourself, and you never get new relationships either.

5. How to "Untie Your Thumb"

First, tell the difference between a "relationship" and an "entanglement". Relationships are two-way; entanglements are one-sided. If you’re the only one giving, explaining, and compromising in a relationship, that’s not a relationship — that’s an entanglement.

Second, reduce frequency first, then reduce contact amount. You don’t have to cut things off all at once. Start by lowering how often you talk, and see what happens. A lot of people find that once they pull back, the other person doesn’t actually need them that much.

Third, replace "I’m leaving you" with "I’m going to live my own life". The first is confrontational; the second is just a statement. The second is easier to follow through on, and causes way less internal conflict.

Fourth, accept that "they’ll be upset". This is the hardest part. You want to free yourself, but you don’t want to hurt the other person — those two things usually can’t both happen at the same time.

Fifth, allow yourself to be "selfish" once. Your life is yours. Living for yourself isn’t a sin.

6. What Happens After You Untie It

After the Nine in the Fourth Place comes the Six in the Fifth Place: "The superior man, having freed himself, has good fortune." After that comes the Six at the Top: "The prince shoots a hawk on a high wall, hits it, and nothing is unfavorable."

After deliverance comes action.

Someone who’s tangled up has no energy to get things done. Once you untie yourself, your energy comes back, your judgment clears up, and opportunities start showing up.

That’s another layer of meaning to "friends come": it’s not just friends who arrive — the whole world opens up to you again.

7. A Reminder From the Opposite Angle

Let’s be clear: "untying your thumb" doesn’t mean pushing everyone away.

Some people see the phrase "cutting ties and letting go" and immediately treat everyone around them as a burden, clearing them out one by one. In the end, they become an island no one can get close to.

The line text says "thumb" — that one closest, most clinging thing. Not clearing people out one by one.

The test is: does this relationship make you feel stronger, or more drained?

Keep the ones that make you stronger. Untie the ones that make you more and more tired.

Final Thoughts

「解而拇，朋至斯孚。」

The order this line gives is so important: clear the space first, then welcome the guests.

If your hands are tied up, you can’t hold onto new people.

The people who truly want to get close to you have been waiting outside the door this whole time. It’s that string around your thumb that’s keeping them from coming in.