Xu (Waiting) vs Song (Conflict): Choosing Wrong Between Waiting and Competing Makes Harder Efforts Worse

There’s a kind of exhaustion where you put in all the effort, but it goes nowhere.

And there’s an even more draining kind: you put in the right amount of effort, but in the wrong direction.

Xu (Waiting) and Song (Conflict) are the 5th and 6th of the 64 Hexagrams. They are a pair of Inverted Hexagrams — one is about waiting upward, the other about drifting apart in opposite directions.

The Xu Hexagram is 水天需 (Waiting). Water above heaven means clouds, with rain yet to fall. It is Qian (The Creative) below and Kan (The Abysmal) above: the firm, vigorous heaven lies beneath, and water rests above.

The Xiang Commentary (Images) states: “Clouds rise up to heaven; this is the image of Waiting. The superior person (Junzi) accordingly takes refreshment in food and drink and enjoys himself.”

Clouds hang in the sky, but rain hasn’t fallen yet. What should a Junzi do at such a time? Eat, drink, and make merry.

At first glance, this might sound odd. With everyone waiting for rain, how can anyone have the mind for a meal?

But that is the core of the Xu Hexagram: waiting is not empty wasting of time — it is about nurturing your body and state of being.

The Hexagram Judgment of Xu reads: “有孚，光亨，贞吉，利涉大川 (Sincerity and Trust; brilliant success; perseverance brings good fortune; it furthers one to cross the great water).”

“有孚 (Sincerity and Trust)” means having integrity and inner confidence. When you wait with a solid sense of assurance, you won’t panic. Panic leads to chaos, and chaos ruins all previous efforts.

The six Lines of the Xu Hexagram all speak of the proper measure to maintain while waiting.

“初九 (Nine at the Beginning): 需于郊 (Waiting in the outskirts)” — you wait far away from the action, no rush at all.

“九二 (Nine in the Second Place): 需于沙 (Waiting on the sand)” — you wait a little closer, with minor frictions, but still bearable.

“九三 (Nine in the Third Place): 需于泥 (Waiting in the mud)” — you are already stuck, and have drawn enemies to you.

“六四 (Six in the Fourth Place): 需于血 (Waiting in blood)” — you have been wounded, but can still get out.

“九五 (Nine in the Fifth Place): 需于酒食，贞吉 (Waiting over wine and food; perseverance brings good fortune)” — this is the best Line. You wait while eating and drinking, steady and unhurried.

“上六 (Six at the Top): 入于穴，有不速之客三人来，敬之终吉 (Entering a cave; three uninvited guests arrive; treating them with respect brings ultimate good fortune).”

From outskirts to sand, to mud, to blood — it is a process of getting closer and closer, and more and more perilous, as you wait. At the very end, unexpected people show up; treat them with respect, and the outcome will be auspicious.

The meaning here is: waiting is not sitting idle. It is adjusting your position and stance constantly as the situation draws nearer.

Now let’s look at the Song Hexagram (Conflict).

Song means strife. 天水讼 (Conflict): heaven moves upward, water flows downward — the two move in opposite directions, drifting further and further apart.

Its Hexagram Judgment reads: “有孚，窒惕，中吉，终凶。利见大人，不利涉大川 (Sincerity and Trust; blocked and cautious; good fortune in the middle; misfortune in the end. It furthers to see the Great Person; it does not further to cross the great water).”

You have sincerity and trust, but you are blocked — you are in the right, but your path is obstructed. At this time, you must be vigilant and on guard. “Good fortune in the middle” means stopping when enough is enough brings good fortune. “Misfortune in the end” means fighting to the bitter end leads to misfortune.

This is one of the few hexagrams among the 64 Hexagrams that states the outcome directly in its judgment: misfortune in the end.

Why? Because the essence of Song is not solving problems, but determining victory and defeat. The price of winning or losing is a complete rupture of the relationship.

“初六 (Six at the Beginning) of Song: 不永所事，小有言，终吉 (Do not prolong the affair; there is slight talk; in the end, good fortune).”

Don’t drag the matter out. A few words of dispute, and it’s over — the final outcome is auspicious.

“九五 (Nine in the Fifth Place): 讼，元吉 (Conflict; supreme good fortune).”

This is the only line of supreme good fortune in the Song Hexagram. Why? Because the Nine in the Fifth Place is in the central and proper position — it represents the person who judges the case, not the one filing the lawsuit.

So the real way out of the Song Hexagram is to have a fair third party, not to butt heads on your own.

Now let’s put the two hexagrams together.

Xu is vertical: it’s your relationship with time. When things haven’t come to fruition yet, you wait.

Song is horizontal: it’s your relationship with another person. When a conflict has already arisen, you decide whether to fight it.

The most common mistake people make is mixing these two things up.

You fight when you should wait. A project is stuck in approval, so you nag every day — until the approver gets annoyed, and even a project that would have passed gets delayed. That’s turning Xu into Song. What you want is the rain (the result), not a verbal victory.

You wait when you should fight. You’ve clearly been taken advantage of, but you think “forget it, just endure it” and wait for the other person to have a change of heart. By the end, they take your silence as consent. That’s turning Song into Xu. What you want is justice (a clear statement), not rain.

How to tell the difference?

Look at who holds the thing you want.

If the thing can only ripen with time, then it doesn’t matter who holds it — you can only wait. While waiting, nurture your state, prepare everything you need, and don’t drain yourself dry.

If the thing is in the hands of a specific person who won’t give it to you, then it’s not a matter of waiting — it’s a matter of contention. When fighting, remember the line from the Song Hexagram: “good fortune in the middle, misfortune in the end.” Stop when you should, don’t fight all the way to “winning.”

The line from the Top Six of Xu actually applies to Song as well: “有不速之客三人来，敬之终吉 (Three uninvited guests arrive; treating them with respect brings ultimate good fortune).”

You’re waiting, and a few unexpected people show up. Treat them with respect, and the outcome turns out to be auspicious.

Many deadlocks aren’t broken by fighting — they’re broken by someone who shows up unexpectedly. Staying in a position where you can receive that person is more useful than fighting a hundred times.

Wait when you should wait, fight when you should fight. It sounds simple, but most people spend their whole lives doing the opposite.