Why Can’t You Make Sincere Friends? Your Astrology 7th House Reveals the Root Cause

Why do you always struggle to make genuine friends?

It’s a question many people are too embarrassed to admit they’ve thought about, but it’s crossed everyone’s mind.

Making friends was so easy when we were kids. A single piece of candy was all it took to bond, and walking home together from school made you best friends.

Somehow, we lose that knack when we grow up.

We know more and more people—thousands of WeChat contacts—but barely anyone we can truly open up to.

Your Moments feed gets tons of likes, but when you’re in real trouble, you scroll through your entire contact list and have no idea who to call.

You pour your heart out and treat people with total sincerity, only to find they don’t really care about you at all.

Then you start wondering—

Is there something wrong with me?

Are people these days just too pragmatic?

Am I destined to be friendless?

Don’t jump to conclusions just yet.

Take a look at the **Brother Palace** in your birth chart first. It doesn’t just reflect your relationship with siblings—it reveals your entire interpersonal pattern: how you interact with others, what kind of friends you attract, and what state you’re in within relationships.

Once you figure this out, you’ll know exactly where the problem lies.

What Is the Brother Palace: Your "Interpersonal Foundation"

Let’s get one thing straight first: the Brother Palace isn’t for "fortune-telling." A "bad" Brother Palace doesn’t mean you’re doomed to be lonely for life.

That’s not how it works.

The Brother Palace is more like your interpersonal "factory settings"—your innate tendencies, habits, and patterns in relationships.

Some people are naturally outgoing and can strike up a conversation with anyone.

Some are slow to warm up and need a long time to let their guard down.

Some thrive on excitement and are happier the more friends they have.

Some prefer solitude and feel drained by too many friends.

None of these traits are good or bad. They’re just different.

But the problem usually arises when you don’t know what your own pattern is. You go about relationships the wrong way, and of course the results aren’t great.

I have a friend who’s incredibly warm-hearted. She’s the first to step up when someone’s in trouble, and never hesitates to pitch in with money or effort.

But she always complains that she can’t make true friends. She treats people so well, yet they’re only lukewarm toward her.

I asked her, "When you’re being nice to someone, do you ever ask if they need what you’re giving?"

She paused for a second and said, "Why would I need to ask? Isn’t that what friends are for—helping each other out?"

I said, "That’s exactly the problem. What you’re giving isn’t necessarily what they want. The more proactive you are, the more pressured they feel."

Her Brother Palace configuration is the "over-giving type." In relationships, she’s used to trading "being nice to others" for a sense of security and validation. But she doesn’t realize that excessive kindness becomes a burden to other people.

See? It’s not that she’s a bad person—it’s that her pattern is off.

When you have the right pattern, relationships flow naturally.

Three Typical Brother Palace Patterns: Which One Are You?

There are so many specific combinations for the Brother Palace that I can’t cover them all. I’ve picked three of the most typical ones—see which one you relate to most.

**First type: Resource exchange type.**

People with this pattern make friends with a pretty clear purpose.

They hang out with people who are useful to them, and get close to people who can help them out. They know exactly what resources a connection can bring, and what value a friend has to offer.

You can’t call them bad—they have their own logic: aren’t friends supposed to help each other? You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours—that’s what a useful relationship is.

But the problem is—it’s too transactional.

When you interact with someone and start tallying up what they can do for you in your head, they can feel it. They won’t say it out loud, but they know.

If you treat friends as resources, they’ll treat you the same way. Once you’re no longer useful, the relationship fades.

People of this type usually have lots of friends, but very few genuine ones. Everything looks lively on the surface, but when real trouble hits, no one actually steps up to help.

If this is your type, here’s my advice: leave some "useless" space in your relationships, beyond what’s "useful."

Grab a meal with a friend every now and then—no talk of business, no talk of resources, no talk of who can help whom. Just chat about random, silly things and pass the time.

A relationship with "useless" parts is what makes a real friend.

**Second type: Over-giving type.**

This is the type I was just talking about.

In relationships, they’re always the one giving more. They’re the first to show up when a friend is in trouble, they transfer money without a second thought when a friend is short on cash, and they stay up until midnight comforting a friend who’s upset.

But they have expectations deep down: I’m treating you this well, so you should treat me the same way.

As soon as the other person doesn’t meet their expectations, they get really hurt. They feel let down, like the other person is ungrateful.

Honestly, these people are the most exhausted.

Both sides are drained. The other person feels pressured—"You’re being so nice to me, I can’t live up to it." And the over-giver feels wronged—"I’ve put in so much, why can’t you appreciate it?"

Where’s the problem?

It’s that their giving is usually what *they* want to give, not what the other person needs.

You think you’re doing them a favor, but they see it as a burden.

If this is your type, remember this: a good relationship is about comfort, not about making someone feel indebted.

Stop always thinking "what can I do for them?" and start thinking "what do they need?" When they don’t need anything, doing less will actually make the relationship better.

**Third type: Junzi friendship type.**

People with this pattern don’t have many friends, but the ones they have are ride-or-die.

They don’t reach out to friends very often—they might only see each other once every six months. But when they meet, there’s no awkwardness at all. They chat, they eat, like they just saw each other yesterday.

When something comes up, one phone call is all it takes. No pleasantries, no beating around the bush—they get straight to the point.

This is the most comfortable kind of relationship.

Why? Because neither side feels pressured. There’s no requirement to talk every day, no expectation of being available 24/7, no demand that you be a certain way.

You have your life, I have mine. We hang out when we have time, and do our own thing when we don’t. When you need someone, they’re there—that’s all that matters.

People of this type have the most stable interpersonal relationships. You don’t need a ton of friends—just a few genuine ones is enough.

If this is your type, congratulations. This is the healthiest pattern in the Brother Palace.

The Core Logic of Making Friends: Figure Out What You Want First

After talking about all these patterns, the core of it all is really just one thing—

You have to first figure out *why* you make friends.

Some people say, "Do you need a reason to make friends?" Yes, you do.

Do you want a group of fun buddies to hang out with?

Or a few close confidants you can talk about your true feelings with?

Or partners who can help each other out professionally?

Or just someone simple to keep you company?

Different needs call for different ways of interacting.

If you want a professional partner but hold them to the standard of a close confidant, you’ll definitely be disappointed.

If you want a confidant but all you ever talk about is business and resources, they’ll definitely think you’re being transactional.

If you want a fun buddy but demand they be available whenever you call and pour their heart out to you, the friendship won’t last long.

A lot of people can’t make genuine friends not because they never meet good people, but because they don’t even know what they want themselves.

Try to have everything, and you’ll end up with nothing.

Here’s the simplest method I can give you: categorize your friends.

Which ones are fun buddies—people you eat meals with, go shopping with, and just pass the time with?

Which ones are colleagues—people you overlap with at work and can coordinate with?

Which ones are friends—people you can chat with and open up to a little?

Which ones are confidants—people you can tell anything to and who’ll help you with anything?

Once you sort them out, you’ll know how to interact with each person in the right way.

Don’t hold fun buddies to the standard of confidants, and don’t define friends by the standards of colleagues.

Mismatched expectations are the root of most interpersonal problems.

How to Choose a Business Partner: Another Use of the Brother Palace

The Brother Palace has another very practical use: evaluating business partners.

Why? Because a partnership is essentially a kind of "brotherly relationship." You’re equals, you work together, you share profits and you share risks.

A lot of startups fail not because the project is bad, but because they picked the wrong partner.

How do you choose a business partner? The logic of the Brother Palace applies here too.

I’ll give you three criteria to judge by.

**First: Are you the same kind of people?**

This doesn’t mean your personalities have to be identical—it means your values should be roughly aligned.

You think you should be down-to-earth in business; they think you should take shortcuts. You think you should build wealth slowly; they think you should scale fast. You think reputation is the most important thing; they think profit comes first.

In a situation like that, don’t even bother going into business together.

If your core beliefs don’t match, you’ll go your separate ways sooner or later. It’s better to split early than late—splitting late costs way more.

**Second: Can they make up for your weaknesses?**

A business partner isn’t someone who’s exactly like you. It’s someone who complements you.

If you’re good at tech, they should be good at sales. If you’re good at strategy, they should be good at execution. If you’re careless and laid-back, they should be careful and cautious.

Two identical people working together will have very strong strengths, but also very glaring weaknesses. The second a problem falls in that weak spot, both of you will be stuck.

Complementary partners are the ones who can go the distance.

**Third: How do they behave when it comes to利益?**

This one is the most important.

At the end of the day, partnerships all come down to利益. How do you split the money? How do you divide authority? How do you handle losses? How do you split the winnings?

Don’t be embarrassed to talk about it. Being clear about the rules upfront is a million times better than being polite at first and turning petty later.

How do you tell how someone acts when利益 is on the line?

You don’t need to look at big events—look at the small stuff.

What’s their attitude when it’s time to pay the bill at a meal?

Do they nitpick over tiny amounts of money?

When it comes to dividing up benefits, do they think of themselves first, or of the group?

Someone who’s petty over small things will be even less reliable when big stakes are on the line.

Wen Laoshi often says that choosing a business partner is even more important than choosing a spouse. If your spouse isn’t right for you, you can get divorced. If your business partner isn’t right for you, you might not be able to get out even if you lose everything.

That’s a bit of an exaggeration, but the point stands.

A Few Final Words

At the end of the day, the Brother Palace is just a tool to help you see what you’re like in relationships.

It doesn’t determine whether you’ll have friends, or whether your partnership will succeed. It just tells you what your tendencies are, what your patterns are, and where you might run into trouble.

Once you know all that, you can adjust.

If you’re too transactional, learn to leave some room in your relationships.

If you give too much, learn to hold back a little so you don’t pressure people.

If you’re too closed off, try opening up a little and meeting more people.

Friends are a bit like love—you can’t force them.

The harder you try to find them, the more they elude you.

When you get your own life figured out, the right people will naturally come along.

In life, you don’t need a lot of friends.

Just a few—people you can grab a meal with when you’ve got nothing going on, people who’ll lend a hand when you’re in trouble, people you can chat with when you’re bored.

That’s more than enough.