The Power of the Great Top Line: What I Ching Says About Clashing With Petty People

不知道你有没有过这种经历——

Have you ever had this kind of experience?

遇到一个特别气人的人。

Running into someone who makes you absolutely furious.

可能是职场上

It might be a colleague at work

到处说你坏话的同事，

who badmouths you everywhere;

可能是生活中

it might be a neighbor in daily life

故意跟你过不去的邻居，

who deliberately picks on you;

可能是网络上

or it might be a stranger online

莫名其妙骂你的陌生人。

who insults you for no reason at all.

你特别生气，

You get so angry,

觉得凭什么啊？

thinking, "Why me?"

我又没惹你，

"I didn't do anything to you,"

你为什么要针对我？

"why are you targeting me?"

然后你就开始跟他杠。

Then you start going toe-to-toe with them.

他说你一句，你回十句；

They say one thing to you, you snap back ten times;

他给你使绊子，

they trip you up on purpose,

你也给他穿小鞋；

so you make things hard for them too;

他到处造谣你，

they spread rumors about you everywhere,

你也到处说他的坏话。

so you badmouth them right back.

一来二去，

Back and forth, over and over,

你俩就杠上了。

you two get locked in this petty feud.

你每天满脑子都是这个人，

This person occupies your every thought every day—

吃饭想、睡觉想、

you think about them while eating, while sleeping,

上班也想。

even while you're at work.

什么正事都干不进去，

You can't focus on any actual important work,

就想着怎么赢他、

all you can think about is how to beat them,

怎么出口气。

how to get that satisfaction of getting even.

结果呢？

And what's the result?

几个月过去，

A few months go by,

你气也气了，

you've gotten all worked up,

劲也使了，

you've poured all that energy in,

最后呢？

and in the end?

你俩谁也没赢谁，

Neither of you has actually won,

就这么僵着。

you're just stuck in this deadlock.

你想退退不了，

You want to back out but can't,

想进进不去，

you want to push forward but get nowhere,

把自己整个人都耗进去了。

and you've drained yourself completely in the process.

易经大壮卦的上六爻，

The Top Six Line (上六) of the *I Ching*'s The Power of the Great (大壮) hexagram

讲的就是这种状态。

describes exactly this state.

大壮卦第6爻是整个卦的终点，

The sixth line of The Power of the Great is the end of the entire hexagram,

也是大壮走到头、

the point where the power of the great has run its course,

撞南墙撞到动不了的位置。

where you've slammed into a brick wall and can't move an inch further.

爻辞说：「羝羊触藩，不能退，不能遂，无攸利，艰则吉。」

The Line Text (爻辞) says: 「羝羊触藩，不能退，不能遂，无攸利，艰则吉。」 (A ram butting against a fence: it cannot retreat, it cannot advance. Nothing is favorable. Persevering through hardship brings good fortune.)

公羊撞篱笆，

A ram charging at a fence—

退也退不了，进也进不去，

it can't back up, it can't push through,

什么好处都没有。

there's nothing to gain from it.

老老实实停下来，

Honestly stopping,

别再撞了，才是吉祥。

quitting the headbutting, that's what brings good fortune.

这话听着简单，

It sounds simple,

但真戳心。

but it hits really close to home.

大壮走到头，就是跟烂人烂事死磕

When The Power of the Great Runs Out: Obsessing Over Toxic People and Pointless Drama

上六是大壮卦最上面一爻，

The Top Six is the highest line of The Power of the Great hexagram,

大壮走到头了。

the point where the great power has reached its limit.

四个阳爻已经冲到极限了，

The four Yang Lines (陽爻) have already pushed as far as they can go,

再往上没空间了。

there's no more room to move up.

但那股劲收不住啊，

But that drive can't be reined in,

还在那儿冲、还在那儿撞，

it keeps charging, keeps slamming forward,

结果就撞到上六这堵墙上了。

until it slams right into the wall that is the Top Six line.

你想想，

Think about it—

一个人跟小人较劲的时候，

when someone gets fixated on fighting a petty, toxic person,

是不是就是这个状态？

isn't this exactly how it goes?

他已经赢不了了，

They already can't win,

也讨不到什么好处，

they're not going to get anything good out of it,

但他就是停不下来。

but they just can't stop.

那口气咽不下，

They can't swallow that anger,

那个坎过不去，

they can't get over that grudge,

非跟对方死磕到底。

they have to fight this person to the bitter end.

为什么会这样？

Why does this happen?

因为大壮到了极致，

Because when great power reaches its extreme,

人就容易被情绪带着走。

people get swept away by their emotions.

你觉得我这么厉害，

You think, "I'm so capable,"

我还收拾不了你？

"how could I not take you down?"

我这么有理，

"I'm totally in the right,"

我还争不过你？

"how could I lose an argument to you?"

不行，我必须赢。

"No way, I have to win."

但你忘了一件事——

But you're forgetting one thing—

小人之所以是小人，

the reason petty, toxic people are the way they are

就是因为他没底线、

is that they have no moral boundaries,

没正事、没廉耻。

no real responsibilities, no sense of shame.

他有的是时间跟你耗，

They've got all the time in the world to drag this out with you,

有的是阴招等着你。

and endless dirty tricks up their sleeve.

你一个正常人，

You're a normal, decent person—

拿什么跟他耗？

what do you have to waste on this?

你跟他打架，

If you get into a fight with them,

他不要脸，你要脸；

they have no pride to lose, but you do;

你跟他吵架，

if you get into an argument with them,

他胡说八道，你要讲道理；

they spout nonsense, but you feel obligated to be reasonable;

你跟他比谁更狠，

if you try to out-tough them,

他光脚不怕穿鞋的。

they've got nothing to lose, while you have everything to protect.

你怎么赢？

How are you supposed to win?

赢了又怎么样？

And even if you do win, then what?

你赢了一个小人，

You beat one petty, toxic person,

你损失了几个月的时间、

but you've lost months of your time,

精力、好心情，

your energy, your peace of mind—

你到底是赚了还是亏了？

did you come out ahead, or did you lose?

闻老师常说一句话，

Wen Laoshi often says,

不要跟烂人纠缠，

"Don't get tangled up with toxic people,"

因为纠缠到最后，

"because if you stay tangled up long enough,"

你也会变成烂人。

"you'll end up just as toxic as they are."

你跟他在泥坑里打滚，

When you roll around in the mud with them,

滚来滚去，

tossing and turning,

你一身泥，他一身泥，

you end up covered in mud, they end up covered in mud,

谁也不比谁干净多少。

neither of you is any cleaner than the other.

关键是，你本来不在泥坑里的。

The point is, you weren't even in the mud pit to begin with.

这就是「不能退，不能遂」。

This is what "cannot retreat, cannot advance" means.

你想赢，赢不了；

You want to win, but you can't;

你想走，又不甘心。

you want to walk away, but you can't bear to.

就卡在那儿，

You're just stuck there,

不上不下，

neither here nor there,

难受得要死。

miserable beyond belief.

大壮卦第6爻把这种状态

The sixth line of The Power of the Great captures this state

刻画得入木三分。

with perfect, piercing accuracy.

无攸利：较劲这件事，没有任何赢家

"Nothing Is Favorable": There Are No Winners in a Petty Feud

爻辞说「无攸利」，

The Line Text says "nothing is favorable" (无攸利)—

没有任何好处。

there's absolutely nothing to gain.

为什么？

Why?

因为跟小人较劲这件事，

Because fighting with a petty, toxic person

从根上就是一笔赔本的买卖。

is fundamentally a losing proposition.

你算算成本就知道了。

Just do the math on the cost.

第一，浪费时间。

First, it wastes your time.

你花在跟他较劲上的时间，

All the time you spend feuding with them—

本来可以用来干多少正事？

how many meaningful things could you have done with that time?

学个新技能、

Learning a new skill,

多赚点钱、

making more money,

陪陪家人、

spending time with your family,

健健身、看看书，

working out, reading a book—

干什么不好？

literally anything would be better.

非要把时间浪费在

Why would you waste your time

一个你根本不喜欢的人身上？

on someone you don't even like?

时间是最公平的，

Time is the fairest thing there is—

你把它花在哪，

wherever you invest it,

它就回馈你什么。

it gives you back exactly what you put in.

你花在小人身上，

If you invest it in a toxic person,

它就回馈你一肚子气；

you get back a stomach full of anger;

你花在成长上，

if you invest it in growing as a person,

它就回馈你一个更好的自己。

you get back a better version of yourself.

第二，消耗情绪。

Second, it drains you emotionally.

跟小人较劲，

Feuding with a toxic person

你每天都在生气、

means you spend every day angry,

在委屈、在不甘心。

hurt, and bitter.

情绪这个东西是会透支的。

Your emotional energy is a finite resource—you can overdraw it.

你天天生气，

If you're angry every single day,

身体会出问题；

your health will start to suffer;

你天天不开心，

if you're unhappy every single day,

身边的人也会受影响。

the people around you will start to feel the effects too.

你跟他较劲，

You're feuding with this person,

最后搞得自己家里也不和睦，

and in the end, your home life is tense,

工作也不顺心，

your work is going badly,

值吗？

is it worth it?

第三，拉低你的层次。

Third, it drags you down to their level.

你天天跟小人打交道，

If you're dealing with a toxic person every day,

你说话的方式、做事的方式，

the way you talk, the way you do things—

慢慢也会变得像他。

slowly, you'll start to become just like them.

你开始学他耍阴招，

You start picking up their dirty tricks,

学他到处说坏话，

learning to badmouth people behind their backs,

学他背后给人下绊子。

learning to sabotage people from the shadows.

你觉得是为了对付他，

You tell yourself it's just to deal with them,

不得已而为之。

that you have no choice.

但实际上，

But the truth is,

你已经变成了你讨厌的那种人。

you've already become the kind of person you used to hate.

所以你看，

So you see,

跟小人较劲，

feuding with a toxic person

你有百害而无一利。

does you nothing but harm, with zero benefit.

小人呢？

And what about the toxic person?

他本来就那样，

They were already like that to begin with,

他不跟你较劲

even if they weren't feuding with you,

他也跟别人较劲。

they'd be feuding with someone else.

他损失什么了？

What have they lost?

他什么都没损失，

They've lost absolutely nothing—

他还多了个免费的对手陪他玩。

they even got a free opponent to entertain them.

无攸利，

"Nothing is favorable"—

就是说这件事

it means that in this whole mess,

没有任何赢家。

there are no winners at all.

你以为你在跟他斗，

You think you're fighting them,

其实你是在跟自己斗，

but really you're fighting yourself—

跟自己的情绪斗，

fighting your own emotions,

跟自己的不甘心斗。

fighting your own bitterness.

最后把自己斗得筋疲力尽，

In the end, you fight yourself until you're completely exhausted,

什么也没捞着。

and you walk away with nothing to show for it.

艰则吉：最难的不是赢，是放手

"Persevering Through Hardship Brings Good Fortune": The Hardest Thing Isn't Winning—It's Letting Go

那上六怎么办？

So what do you do when you're at the Top Six?

爻辞说「艰则吉」。

The Line Text says "persevering through hardship brings good fortune" (艰则吉).

艰难坚守，才能吉祥。

Only by holding steady through difficulty can you find good fortune.

什么叫艰？

What does "hardship" mean here?

就是忍住那口气，

It means swallowing that anger,

硬把自己从那个泥潭里拔出来。

forcing yourself to climb out of that mud pit.

很难，特别难。

It's hard, really hard.

你说我凭什么忍？

You're thinking, "Why should I have to put up with this?"

他那么对我，

"They treated me like that,"

我就这么算了？

"I'm just supposed to let it go?"

咽不下这口气啊。

"I can't just swallow this anger."

但你要知道，

But you need to understand—

忍不是认输，

holding back isn't admitting defeat,

是止损。

it's cutting your losses.

你再跟他耗下去，

If you keep dragging this out with them,

损失更大。

you'll only lose more.

你现在放手，

If you let go now,

看起来是输了，

it might look like you lost,

其实是及时止损，

but really you're stopping the bleeding early,

把剩下的时间和精力

saving the rest of your time and energy

留给更重要的事。

for things that actually matter.

这就好比你买股票，

It's like buying stocks—

买错了，亏了点钱。

you pick the wrong one, you lose a little money.

你是及时止损出来，

Do you cut your losses and get out early,

还是硬扛着等它涨回来？

or do you hold on tight and wait for it to go back up?

很多人选择硬扛，

A lot of people choose to hold on,

结果越亏越多，

and they end up losing more and more,

最后套牢了。

until they're completely trapped.

为什么？

Why?

因为不甘心啊。

Because they can't bear to accept the loss.

我都亏了这么多了，

"I've already lost so much,"

现在走了不就亏定了吗？

"if I leave now, I'll definitely lose everything, right?"

万一涨回来呢？

"What if it goes back up?"

但现实是，

But the reality is,

烂股票就是烂股票，

a bad stock is a bad stock—

它不会因为你扛着

it's not going to turn into a good stock

就变成好股票。

just because you hold onto it.

小人就是小人，

A toxic person is a toxic person—

他不会因为你跟他较劲

they're not going to turn into a good person

就变成好人。

just because you fight with them.

你越扛，亏得越多。

The longer you hold on, the more you lose.

艰则吉，

"Persevering through hardship brings good fortune"—

就是让你咬咬牙，

it's telling you to grit your teeth

把这笔烂账认了。

and accept this bad debt for what it is.

我吃亏了，我认了；

"I got the short end of the stick, and I accept that;

我受委屈了，我忍了。

I got hurt, and I'll let it go."

我不跟你玩了，

"I'm not playing this game with you anymore,"

我走还不行吗？

"can't I just walk away?"

走了之后呢？

And what happens after you walk away?

你该干嘛干嘛。

You go back to living your life.

该工作工作，

You go to work like you normally would,

该生活生活，

you live your life like you normally would,

该成长成长。

you keep growing like you normally would.

过个三年五年，

Three or five years go by,

你再回头看，

and when you look back,

那个人还在原地跟人较劲，

that person is still right where they were, fighting with someone new,

而你已经走出去很远了。

while you've moved so far ahead.

到那时候你就会发现，

At that point you'll realize

当初放手这个决定，

that decision to let go back then

是你做过的最明智的决定之一。

was one of the smartest choices you ever made.

遇到小人怎么办：三个正确姿势

What to Do When You Run Into a Toxic Person: Three Smart Approaches

那生活中真遇到小人了，

So when you actually run into a toxic person in real life,

到底该怎么处理？

how should you actually handle it?

总不能什么都不做吧？

You can't just do nothing, right?

分享三个姿势。

Here are three approaches to try.

第一个，不深交，但也不得罪。

First, don't get close, but don't make an enemy either.

这是基本原则。

This is the basic rule.

小人你得罪不起，

You can't afford to offend a toxic person—

他会在背后给你使绊子。

they'll sabotage you behind your back.

所以表面上过得去就行，

So just keep things polite on the surface,

见面打个招呼，

say hello when you see them,

说话客客气气的。

be friendly and polite when you talk.

但心里要有数，

But be clear in your own mind—

这种人不能深交，

you can't be close with this kind of person,

不能跟他说心里话，

you can't tell them your real thoughts,

不能跟他有利益往来。

you can't get involved in any mutual interests with them.

就像遁卦里说的，

Just like it says in the Retreat (遁) hexagram:

不恶而严。

"No hostility, but firm dignity."

不跟他撕破脸，

Don't have a falling out with them,

但跟他保持距离。

but keep your distance.

态度是客气的，

Your attitude is polite,

立场是坚定的。

but your boundaries are firm.

他想拉你入伙？不去。

They want you to join their little scheme? Say no.

他想让你帮忙？婉拒。

They want you to do them a favor? Politely decline.

他想跟你说别人坏话？

They want to badmouth someone else to you?

笑笑不说话。

Just smile and say nothing.

时间长了，

After a while,

他觉得你没意思，

they'll decide you're no fun,

自然就去找别人了。

and they'll move on to someone else naturally.

第二个，别讲理，讲边界。

Second, don't argue about right and wrong—set clear boundaries.

很多人跟小人较劲，

A lot of people get stuck feuding with toxic people

总想争个对错。

because they're determined to prove who's right and who's wrong.

我要让他知道他错了，

"I need to make them see they're wrong,"

我要让大家看清他是什么人。

"I need everyone to see what kind of person they really are."

但小人根本不在乎对错，

But toxic people don't care about right and wrong at all—

他在乎的是能不能赢、

all they care about is whether they can win,

能不能占到便宜。

whether they can get something out of it.

你跟他讲道理，

Trying to reason with them

就是对牛弹琴。

is like playing the lute to a cow—totally pointless.

别讲理，讲边界。

Don't argue about right and wrong—set clear boundaries.

什么事是你不能碰的，

Be clear about what things they can't cross,

什么话是你不能说的，

what things they can't say,

什么利益是你必须守住的，

what interests you have to protect no matter what—

划清楚。

draw those lines clearly.

他碰你的边界，

If they cross your boundaries,

你就直接反击，

push back directly,

不用跟他废话。

don't waste your breath arguing.

他没碰你的边界，

If they don't cross your boundaries,

你就别理他。

just ignore them.

你越搭理他，他越来劲。

The more you engage, the more they'll egg you on.

第三个，把时间花在

Third, invest your time

让自己变强大上。

in making yourself stronger.

对付小人最好的方式，

The best way to deal with a toxic person

不是跟他较劲，

isn't to fight with them—

是让自己变强，

it's to make yourself stronger,

强到他够不着你。

strong enough that they can't even reach you anymore.

他在你背后说坏话？

They're badmouthing you behind your back?

没关系，你升职了，

It doesn't matter—you got a promotion,

他跟你不在一个层级了，

you're not even on the same level anymore,

他说的话没人听了。

no one even listens to what they say about you.

他给你使绊子？

They're trying to trip you up?

没关系，你能力强，

It doesn't matter—you're so skilled,

什么绊子都难不倒你。

no little trick can throw you off your game.

你越弱，小人越多；

The weaker you are, the more toxic people you'll encounter;

你越强，小人越少。

the stronger you are, the fewer toxic people will bother you.

不是因为世界变好了，

It's not that the world has gotten better—

是因为你站得高了，

it's that you're standing higher up,

那些小人已经影响不到你了。

and those toxic people can't reach you anymore.

所以别把时间花在

So don't waste your time

跟小人较劲上。

feuding with toxic people.

把时间花在自己身上，

Invest your time in yourself,

花在提升自己上。

in improving yourself.

你强大了，

When you're stronger,

身边的好人就多了，

you'll be surrounded by more good people,

小人自然就少了。

and toxic people will naturally fade away.

这才是最根本的解决办法。

That's the real, fundamental solution.

写在最后

A Final Note

大壮上六这一爻，

This Top Six line of The Power of the Great

送给所有正在

is for everyone who's currently

跟烂人烂事较劲的人。

stuck feuding with toxic people and pointless drama.

大壮卦第6爻的忠告是——

The advice of the sixth line of The Power of the Great is this:

放手不是输，

Letting go isn't losing—

是止损。

it's cutting your losses.

别拿自己的大好时光，

Don't waste the best years of your life

去跟不值得的人死磕。

fighting to the bitter end with someone who isn't worth it.

羝羊触藩，不能退，不能遂。

"A ram butting against a fence: it cannot retreat, it cannot advance."

你现在的状态，

Is this how you're feeling right now?

是不是就是这样？

Stuck, unable to move forward or back?

进也进不去，退也退不了，

You can't push through, you can't walk away,

把自己困在那儿，

you're trapped there,

白白消耗自己。

wasting yourself away for nothing.

艰则吉。

"Persevering through hardship brings good fortune."

咬咬牙，放手吧。

Grit your teeth, and let go.

不是你输了，

It's not that you lost—

是你不想玩了。

it's that you're done playing this game.

不是你没本事，

It's not that you're not capable—

是你觉得

it's that you know

把时间浪费在这种人身上，

wasting your time on someone like this

不值得。

just isn't worth it.

人生这么短，

Life is so short,

好人和好事那么多，

there are so many good people and good things out there—

何必跟一个不值得的人

why would you fight to the bitter end

死磕到底呢？

with someone who isn't even worth it?

往前走，

Keep moving forward,

别回头。

don't look back.

你走得越远，

The farther you go,

那点破事就越小。

the smaller all that petty drama will seem.

等你站在高处再往下看，

When you're standing up high, looking down,

当初让你气得睡不着觉的人，

that person who used to make you so angry you couldn't sleep

不过就是个笑话。

will be nothing more than a joke.