What to Do When You Disagree with Others? Hexagram Kui’s Six in the Third Place Tells You: The More You Rush to Prove Yourself, the More Likely Trouble Will Arise

Have you ever run into this kind of situation?

You think

this proposal is absolutely brilliant,

backed by solid reasoning and evidence,

with crystal-clear logic—

anyone with half a brain would say it’s great.

But when you pitch it,

no one buys it.

Your boss hesitates,

your colleagues push back,

even the people you’re usually tight with

don’t take your side.

Then you lose your cool.

What’s going on?

Is the logic so obvious

that they just can’t see it?

So you start

frantically explaining,

arguing your case tooth and nail,

trying every trick in the book

to prove you’re right.

And what happens?

The more you talk,

the less they believe you;

the more you push,

the more they dig in their heels.

In the end,

the project goes nowhere,

and you end up with a reputation

for being "reckless and results-obsessed."

Why does this happen?

Because you don’t understand

the wisdom of the Six in the Third Place of the Kui Hexagram.

「见舆曳，其牛掣」: How Much Resistance Stands in Your Way

The Line Text for the Six in the Third Place of the Kui Hexagram

is a bit long:

「见舆曳，其牛掣，

其人天且劓，

无初有终。」

What does this mean?

Let’s break it down character by character.

见舆曳 (Jiàn yú yè)—

you see a cart

being dragged backward.

Yu means cart,

ye means to pull or drag.

A cart is supposed to move forward,

but now it’s held back,

unable to move.

其牛掣 (Qí niú chè)—

the ox pulling the cart

is also being held back.

Che means to yank or pull.

The ox is supposed to pull the cart forward,

but now it’s being yanked back too,

unable to put its strength to use.

其人天且劓 (Qí rén tiān qiě yì)—

the cart driver

has also been punished.

Tian refers to qing, a punishment of tattooing the face;

yi refers to cutting off the nose.

Both are ancient punishments,

symbolizing injury,

humiliation,

and being wronged.

Putting it all together:

the cart is held back,

the ox is pulled back,

the cart driver

has been punished and humiliated—

it’s like

everything is going wrong

and you’re hitting walls at every turn.

But there are four final characters:

无初有终 (Wú chū yǒu zhōng).

A bad beginning,

but a good ending.

At first, there are countless difficulties

and overwhelming resistance,

but if you stick it out to the end,

there’s still a good outcome.

This is the lesson

the Six in the Third Place of the Kui Hexagram

wants to teach us:

when you disagree with the people around you

and your directions don’t align,

if you try to push forward,

the resistance will be enormous.

The cart drags you back,

the ox pulls you back,

and people even punish you.

Don’t charge headfirst at times like this—

charging will only leave you bloodied and broken.

Take it slow,

ride it out,

and in the end, there will still be a good result.

Why You Make Things Worse the More You Push When People Disagree

When a lot of people

hear opposing voices,

their first reaction is

"I have to hurry up and prove I’m right."

So they talk over everyone in meetings,

pull people aside privately,

try to convince everyone everywhere,

even slam tables and glare.

And the result is usually—

the more you rush, the worse it gets.

There are three reasons.

First,

hurrying makes you lose your wits.

When you’re anxious,

your mind stops working clearly.

Points you could normally explain clearly

come out jumbled when you’re rushed;

things you could normally pull off

get messed up when you’re anxious.

The more you want to prove you’re right,

the more likely you are to say the wrong thing

or do the wrong thing,

which just makes people think—

"See? I told you he couldn’t handle it."

Second,

hurrying makes people dislike you.

The more rushed you are to push things forward,

the more people think you

have some hidden agenda

or are up to no good.

Otherwise, why are you in such a hurry?

You must be getting something out of it

to be this rushed.

Originally, people were just

a little hesitant,

but once you get anxious,

they start to doubt you.

Once trust is broken,

it’s hard to build back up.

Third,

hurrying makes you more enemies.

When you’re rushing to push things forward,

you’re more likely to ignore other people’s feelings,

step on other people’s turf,

and offend people you shouldn’t offend.

What was originally just a difference of opinion

turns into a personal conflict

once you get anxious.

What could have been negotiated

turns into a battle of positions,

which makes it even harder to resolve.

The Xiang Commentary says:

「见舆曳，位不当也。

无初有终，遇刚也。」

Why is the cart being dragged back?

Because the position is wrong.

Why is there still a good result in the end?

Because you meet a strong, firm person

who’s willing to help you.

Put simply,

right now your position is wrong

and the timing is off,

so the resistance is high.

Don’t force it at times like this—

wait until your position is right,

the timing is ripe,

and someone is there to help you,

and things will naturally work out.

The Three Most Important Things to Do When People Disagree

So when you run into a situation

where no one agrees with you

and the resistance is enormous,

what should you actually do?

Three things.

First,

stop.

Don’t rush.

Stop charging forward for now,

and stop running around trying to convince people.

The more you charge, the bigger the resistance;

the more you talk, the less anyone listens.

Stop first,

catch your breath,

and think carefully—

why doesn’t anyone agree?

Is it that I didn’t explain clearly,

or is there actually a problem?

Is it that everyone doesn’t get it,

or did I oversimplify things?

Figure out the reason first,

then think of a solution.

Don’t just charge in blindly—

that’s what a reckless fool does.

Second,

find allies.

Don’t fight alone.

No one believes one person saying something,

but if three people say the same thing,

people start to believe it.

If you can’t push it forward alone,

then go find

people who think the same way you do,

people who can understand you,

people whose words carry weight.

With allies,

you’re not fighting alone anymore—

you’ll have more confidence

and a louder voice.

But remember,

this is about finding allies,

not forming cliques—

don’t turn it into office politics.

Third,

wait for the right timing.

Use softness to overcome hardness.

Just because the resistance is high now

doesn’t mean it will always be high.

Sometimes things

need a trigger.

Maybe something will happen

that proves you were right;

maybe a new boss will come in

with a different way of thinking;

maybe everyone will hit a wall

and look back to realize

what you said earlier was right.

Don’t rush—

what’s yours

won’t slip away.

What you need to do

is get your work ready

before the opportunity comes,

so that when the wind picks up,

you can take flight.

Wen Laoshi often says,

a lot of things don’t fail

because you’re not capable enough—

it’s because the timing isn’t right.

When the timing is right,

things flow naturally;

when the timing isn’t right,

you’ll wear yourself out for nothing.

「无初有终」: Ride It Out, and the Sun Will Come Out

The most precious four characters

from the Six in the Third Place of the Kui Hexagram

are—

无初有终 (Wú chū yǒu zhōng).

A hard beginning

doesn’t mean a hard ending;

things being tough right now

doesn’t mean they’ll always be tough.

A lot of people

give up as soon as they hit a little resistance at the start,

thinking this thing won’t work,

they’re not good enough,

everyone is against them.

Then they back down,

chicken out,

and check out completely.

And what happens?

A lot of things that could have worked out

end up totally different

just because you

stuck it out one extra step

or quit one step too soon.

Let me tell you a true story.

A friend of mine

pitched a proposal at his company,

and everyone was against it—

even his boss didn’t support him,

thinking he was being unrealistic.

He didn’t give up,

and he didn’t run around arguing with everyone either.

He just quietly

refined the proposal,

solidified the data,

and got all the prep work done.

Six months later,

the company hit a bottleneck in its business,

and everyone was scrambling around in a panic.

That’s when he

pulled out his proposal again.

Everyone took one look and said—

"Hey, this actually might work."

They tried it out,

and it worked.

He got promoted because of it.

See?

No good beginning, but a good ending.

At first, everyone was against it;

in the end, everyone praised it.

It’s not that the proposal changed—

it’s that the timing changed;

it’s not that he changed—

it’s that everyone’s way of thinking changed.

So when you hit a wall of resistance,

don’t lose heart,

don’t rush,

don’t give up.

Keep doing what you need to do,

keep walking the path you need to walk.

As you keep walking,

the road widens;

as you keep riding it out,

the dawn breaks.

Final Thoughts

The Six in the Third Place of the Kui Hexagram tells us—

when people disagree with you,

don’t rush to prove yourself,

don’t force your way forward.

「见舆曳，其牛掣，

其人天且劓，

无初有终。」

The cart is dragged back, the ox is pulled back,

the person is punished—

it looks terrible,

but as long as you

don’t give up and don’t force it,

take your time and wait it out,

there will still be a good result in the end.

Remember three things:

Slow down when you’re anxious,

tough it out when things are hard,

and do your own work well

when no one believes in you.

In this world,

there’s no right thing

that everyone praises

from the very start.

Truth is often

in the hands of the few.

What you need to do

isn’t to make everyone believe you

from the beginning—

it’s to get the thing done,

and let the results

speak for you.

No good beginning, but a good ending—

it’s okay if the start is a little hard.

As long as the ending is good,

it’s all worth it.