Is It Wise to Make More Friends Away From Home? Sui Hexagram Nine at the Beginning: "官有渝，贞吉 (Guan You Yu, Zhen Ji — When the mind adapts to changing circumstances, perseverance brings good fortune)" — Quality Over Quantity in Friendships, Staying on the Right Path Matters Most

Should you make more friends when you’re away from home?

It’s a question everyone who’s building a life far from home has thought about.

You work, study, and live in a new city all by yourself. You’ve met a bunch of people—coworkers, classmates, neighbors, friends of friends. You’ve got hundreds of WeChat contacts and been to more than your share of dinners and gatherings.

But something still feels off in the back of your mind: Do these people count as real friends? Is knowing all these people actually useful? Should I be meeting even more people?

Or maybe you’re the opposite: you’re more introverted, not great at socializing. You don’t have many friends, and it’s hard to find someone to help when you’re in a bind. You look at people with tons of friends and wide networks and feel so jealous. You wonder—should I try to make more friends too?

Then there’s the group that gets the rawest end of the deal: people who are super warm-hearted, who’ll help anyone and trust everyone. What happens? They make tons of friends, but when push comes to shove, barely any of them are reliable. Some friends even cheat them, use them, treat them like a doormat.

Isn’t that infuriating?

So here’s the real question: when you’re away from home, should you make more friends? What kind of friends should you make? And how do you make friends without stepping into a trap?

The first line of the Following Hexagram, the Nine at the Beginning, has the answer for you: 「官有渝，贞吉。出门交有功。」

官有渝: First, Ditch Your Old Ideas About Making Friends

What’s the Following Hexagram? It’s 泽雷随 (Dui/Zhen, Following)—thunder within the marsh: when thunder moves, the marsh follows. It’s about following, going along with, and adapting. The whole hexagram is about who you should follow, how to follow them, what happens when you follow the right person, and what happens when you follow the wrong one.

The Nine at the Beginning is the first line of the Following Hexagram, a Yang Line at the very bottom. Right at the start of the hexagram, we hit a question: Who are you going to follow? What kind of friends are you going to make?

What’s the answer from the Nine at the Beginning? First, 「官有渝」.

What does 「官有渝」 mean? 官 (guan) refers to what’s in charge, what leads, what calls the shots. 渝 (yu) means change, shift, adjust. So 官有渝 means the ideas, mindsets, and habits that guide your decisions need to change, adjust, and update.

Applied to making friends, that means you first need to let go of your old ideas about what friends are.

A lot of people have misconceptions about making friends.

First misconception: The more friends, the better.

They think “more friends, more paths forward,” so the more friends you have, the wider your road gets. So they add people everywhere, go to every social event, host every gathering. They’ve got thousands of WeChat friends, a contact list that never ends. But when they actually need help, they scroll and scroll and can barely find anyone they can count on.

Why? Because friends aren’t measured by quantity—they’re measured by quality. A hundred fair-weather drinking buddies aren’t worth one friend who’ll truly have your back.

Second misconception: Making friends is just about using people.

They’re super goal-oriented about friendships: if this person is useful to me, I’ll build a good relationship with them; if they’re not, I can’t be bothered to even say hi. What happens? No one’s stupid. When you’re that obviously calculating, who wants to be a real friend with you?

In the end, they think they’ve got a huge network, but actually everyone’s keeping their guard up around them.

Third misconception: Everyone who comes along is a friend.

They’re super easygoing—anyone who calls them “brother” or “sister” gets a yes right back. When someone says “let’s keep in touch,” they take it totally seriously. When someone asks for a favor, they’d go through fire and water to help. What happens? They help someone ten times, but mess up one time, and that person turns on them instantly.

Lots of people have fallen for these three misconceptions. You only learn after you’ve stepped in it: making friends isn’t that simple. If your mindset is wrong, the friends you make will be wrong too—and if your friends are wrong, you’re better off having no friends at all.

That’s why the first line of the Nine at the Beginning in the Following Hexagram says 「官有渝」. Fix your mindset first, then go make friends. When your mindset is right, your friends will be right too—and when your friends are right, your path will be smooth.

贞吉: The Bottom Line for Making Friends Is Staying on the Right Path

Right after 「官有渝」 come two more characters: 「贞吉」.

What does that mean? 贞 (zhen) means staying upright, walking the right path, having principles, having a bottom line. 吉 (ji) means good fortune, smooth sailing, no problems.

Put together: Your ideas can change, your methods can shift, your strategies can adjust—but one thing can’t change: you have to stay on the right path, you have to have a bottom line, you can’t be friends with just anyone.

This is so important. When you’re away from home, you’ll meet all kinds of people. Some are honest, some are reliable, some are slippery, some have bad intentions. If you have no principles, no bottom line, and befriend everyone, you’ll end up led astray sooner or later.

What kind of friends should you avoid? Let me tell you three types—steer clear when you meet them.

First type: People who don’t walk the right path.

This person never thinks about how to do good work or be a good person. All they think about is how to cut corners, exploit loopholes, make easy money off shady schemes. All they talk to you about is how to get rich quick, take shortcuts, play tricks.

Stay far away from people like this. You are who you hang around with. Spend enough time with them, and you’ll start thinking—maybe cutting corners isn’t so bad, maybe shady schemes are okay too. By the time you’re actually in too deep, it’ll be too late to regret it.

Second type: People who only care about taking advantage of others.

They never lose out on anything, they want every little advantage. They hide when it’s time to pay for dinner, they let you take the lead on tough tasks, they take the biggest share of the benefits, and they push all the blame onto others.

If you’re friends with someone like this, you’re just a doormat. They’re not here to be your friend—they’re here to use you. You help them ten times, and they think it’s owed to them; you don’t help them once, and they badmouth you everywhere.

Third type: People who can’t stop lying and exaggerating.

Nine out of ten things they say are fake. They brag, talk big, pretend to be rich, act like they’re some big shot. If you believe their words, you’re in for trouble.

Don’t think these people just like to brag. Behind all that boasting is usually insincerity, unreliability, no bottom line. If they’ll lie to someone else today, they’ll lie to you tomorrow.

When you meet these three types of people, be polite, sure—but don’t get close, don’t open up to them, don’t get involved in any business with them. Guard your 「贞」—stick to your right path, your principles, your bottom line, and the friends you make will be the right people.

Right people lift you up; wrong people only drag you down.

出门交有功: Real Friends Are Made by Getting Out There

「出门交有功」—what does that mean? Go out and connect with people, and you’ll gain something, build something, get results.

Why specifically say “go out”? Because a lot of people only make friends within their tiny little circles. At work they’re with coworkers, after work they’re glued to their phones. The rare new people they meet are either friends of friends or work contacts.

When your circle is that small, you only know a handful of people—what kind of gains can you expect?

「出门交有功」 tells you: you’ve got to get out there, you’ve got to主动 meet people, you’ve got to expand your circle. Sit at home all day, and friends aren’t just going to fall out of the sky.

But “going out to connect” doesn’t mean making friends blindly, randomly, showing up to every single event. How do you go out and connect so it actually pays off? Three methods.

First method: Connect around a shared activity, don’t make friends just for the sake of making friends.

What does that mean? Don’t make friends just to check a box. Go do things, go learn, go join events, work on projects—and in the process, you’ll naturally meet people.

You meet because of a shared task, get close because of shared interests, work together because of shared goals. Friends you make this way are reliable, long-lasting, and actually meaningful.

Try to make friends just for the sake of making friends, and you won’t make real ones. Everyone feels awkward, everyone thinks the other person is being calculating.

So focus on doing things first, then make friends. Do things well, and friends will come naturally.

Second method: Give first, then think about what you’ll get.

A lot of people go into friendship thinking first: What can this person do for me? How can they help me? What will I get out of being friends with them?

Think that way, and you’ll never make real friends. Because no one’s stupid—they can tell when you’re only sizing them up for what you can get out of them.

Real socializing is about giving first, contributing first, helping the other person first. You help someone, and they’ll remember your kindness; you’re sincere with them, and they’ll be sincere with you back.

Remember: your network isn’t how many people you know—it’s how many people are willing to help you. And the reason people will help you is because you’ve helped them first, because you have value to them, because you’re a reliable person.

Third method: Take it slow, don’t rush.

A lot of people are in such a hurry to make friends. They meet once, and they’re already calling each other “brother” or “sister”; they chat twice, and they’re pouring their hearts out; they’ve known each other a few days, and they’re already asking for all kinds of favors.

That doesn’t work. Feelings grow slowly, trust builds gradually. If you move too fast, people will think you’re insincere, that you have an ulterior motive, that you’re not someone they can count on.

A good friendship is like stewing meat: low and slow, that’s how the flavor sinks in. Crank the heat up high, and the outside is cooked but the inside is still raw—it looks good, but it doesn’t taste right.

So don’t rush making friends. Get to know each other slowly, spend time together gradually, let the bond deepen over time. After a while, the ones who stick around are your real friends.

Three Friendship Principles From the Nine at the Beginning of the Following Hexagram

By now, you’ve pretty much got the friendship wisdom of the Nine at the Beginning of the Following Hexagram. Let’s sum it up into three rules to remember.

First rule: Keep your mindset flexible, but your principles firm.

What does “keep your mindset flexible” mean? Don’t cling to old ideas. You used to think you should make as many friends as possible, now you realize quality matters more than quantity—so change that. You used to think making friends was useless, now you see good friends open new doors—so adjust that.

But your principles can’t budge. What principles? Walk the right path, stick to your bottom line, do the right thing. That never changes. No matter who you’re friends with, you can’t abandon your own principles, can’t stray from the right path, can’t do bad things.

Your mindset can shift and adjust, but your principles have to be rock solid.

Second rule: Fewer in number, higher in quality.

Don’t chase “having a huge network.” Wide but shallow networks are useless. Having two or three true friends, five or six reliable friends, and a dozen or so people you can chat with honestly? That’s more than enough.

True friends are the ones who’ll pick up your call at 2 a.m., who’ll lend you money when you’re broke, who’ll stand up for you when things go wrong. Having two or three friends like that in a lifetime? That’s priceless.

Reliable friends are people who play by the rules, help each other out, give as good as they get. These friends are a boost to your career and your life.

Everyone else is just a casual connection. Be polite, respect each other, talk when there’s something to talk about, don’t bother each other when there’s not. That’s perfectly fine too.

Don’t greed for more. If you have too many friends, you can’t keep up with all of them, so none of the relationships run deep. Few but high-quality—*that’s* real strength.

Third rule: Get out there, and you’ll meet the right people.

Stay cooped up at home, and you’ll never meet friends. Stick to your tiny little circle, and you’ll never meet new people. Always hang around the same type of people, and your horizons and perspective will never grow.

Get out there. Go learn, go do things, go experience new stuff, go put yourself out there.

On the path of learning, you’ll meet classmates who share your goals.

On the path of building things, you’ll meet partners who fight side by side with you.

On the path of trying new things, you’ll meet people who are just as restless and curious as you are.

These are the people who’ll be your real friends. Because you’ve seen each other working hard, you’ve gotten through tough things together, you know what kind of person the other really is.

Friends like that last, are reliable, and truly bring 「有功」—real, meaningful results.

Final Thoughts

Let’s read that line from the Nine at the Beginning of the Following Hexagram one more time: 「官有渝，贞吉。出门交有功。」

官有渝—Before you make friends, update your mindset first. Don’t cling to old ways of thinking.

贞吉—Walk the right path, have principles, have a bottom line. Be clear in your head about who you should be friends with, and who you shouldn’t.

出门交有功—Get out there, go do things, go live life. Friends are met along the way of doing things, not found waiting for you at home.

When you’re away from home, friends matter a lot. But what matters even more is what kind of friends you make, how you make them, and what kind of person *you* are.

The kind of person you are is the kind of friends you’ll attract. If you’re reliable, your friends will be reliable; if you’re sincere, your friends will be sincere; if you walk the right path, your friends will walk the right path too.

So instead of running around looking for friends, focus on getting your own life straight first. When you’ve got your head on straight, the right people will naturally find you.

Wen Laoshi once said: Friends aren’t something you go looking for. They’re people you just end up walking the same path with, as you go through life.

May you, out there building your life far from home, meet a few true friends. You don’t need many—just enough to count on.