How to Adjust When You Feel Unlucky? Insights into Ancient People's Wisdom on Avoiding Interpersonal Pitfalls from a Hexagram

In the Northern Song Dynasty, a young scholar studying at the Imperial Academy had been feeling on edge lately. Not long after he secured a quota for direct promotion to the Upper Hall of the Imperial Academy, he heard people gossiping about him in a teahouse, claiming he had gotten the spot through a distant relative's connection. He was so angry that he could barely eat, and since he couldn't figure out who was behind the rumors, he grew suspicious of everyone around him—even when his classmates greeted him, he thought they were hiding malicious intent behind their smiles.

One day, he wandered to a fortune-teller's stall in the western part of Bianliang and asked the diviner a question: Is there a petty person around me? The diviner shook copper coins six times and obtained the hexagram *Gou* (Heaven/Wind), with the second line changing to form the hexagram *Dun* (Heaven/Mountain). The scholar rubbed his hands anxiously, but the diviner slowly sipped his tea and said, "Don't get worked up just yet. In your hexagram, there are no vicious dogs that truly want to bite you—just a few sparrows that love to chatter under the eaves."

What did that mean? The image of the *Gou* hexagram is wind beneath heaven; wind seeps into every crack, but it cannot harm the foundation. Applied to human relationships, it means some people may gossip behind your back, but they don't necessarily mean you harm. Most of the time, they just feel a little sour seeing you progress smoothly. Look, the line statement for the second line says clearly: "There is fish in the sack; no blame. Unfavorable for guests." You hold the fish (that is, your true abilities and solid resources) in your hands, so you have done nothing wrong. The thing to fear is carelessly leading strangers near your fish basket—if they snatch a couple of fish when you're not looking, you'll end up blaming the fish for growing legs.

The scholar was a bit confused. "Then what should I do? I can't hide from people every day, can I?" The diviner laughed. "Have you addled your brain from studying too much? The *Book of Changes* never teaches you to hide—it teaches you how to stand more steadily. Look, the body hexagram is Qian (metal), and the function hexagram is Xun (wood). Metal overcomes wood, so your own aura is strong enough to hold your ground. Those gossipmongers only dare to buzz behind your back; when they're right in front of you, they won't even dare to lift their heads."

At this point, the diviner laid out three practical truths for him, which are still applicable today.

First, don't pour your heart out to everyone. Especially in the next month or two, avoid talking about your private affairs, opportunities, or hidden cards in crowded places. You never know which word will get twisted as it passes from mouth to mouth, and by then you'll have nowhere to explain yourself. This isn't teaching you to be suspicious—it's teaching you to "be cautious at the start": if a relationship isn't close enough, don't speak too deeply.

Second, don't guess wildly about "who the petty person is." The more you dwell on this, the easier it is to trap yourself in it. Originally, someone might have just complained casually, but if you fixate on it every day, you'll easily turn a small friction into a big conflict. Instead of wasting time on that, you'd be better off spending more time with open-minded elders and old friends. One word from them is worth ten days or half a month of your own aimless overthinking. If someone comes to ask about things out of the blue, or spreads baseless rumors, just smile and let it pass. The more you engage, the more trouble you'll get into.

Third, take a long-term view. The hexagram ultimately moves toward a state of gathering, which means these small frictions won't last long. After this period passes, you'll actually be able to see clearly who is truly reliable and who is all talk. If you mope around all day over such trivial matters, that's when you'll really lose out.

The scholar pondered these words for a long time after hearing them. When he went back, he attended classes as usual and socialized as before, but he stopped talking about the details of his promotion with people he had just met, and stopped going around asking who had spoken ill of him. Two months later, everything was indeed calm. The people who had spread rumors before found it boring when he didn't react, and gradually quieted down. Instead, through his observations during this time, he grew closer to several down-to-earth classmates, and later all of them passed the imperial examination together.

You see, when ancient people consulted the hexagrams, they never expected answers to fall from the sky—they used them to sort out their messy thoughts. Many people panic when they face troublesome interpersonal issues, always trying to figure out how to deal with them. In fact, the answer is often very simple: guard your own boundaries, do your own thing well, and leave the rest to time. As for how to make the right decision? It's not that mysterious either—first figure out what cards you hold, then figure out how much impact the other person can really have, and then proceed steadily and surely, without losing your composure first.