Always suspecting there are petty people around you? The ancients teach you how to improve your judgment

Once upon a time, there was a scholar who kept fretting: "Is there someone around me who has it in for me?" He pondered over this all day long, so much so that he lost his appetite. So he went to a master to have his fortune told, and drew the Hexagram Gou (Encounter), with the second line changing into the Hexagram Dun (Retreat).

The master first reassured him, "Don't scare yourself. There's no one plotting against you on purpose, but there is indeed some undercurrent stirring — to put it bluntly, some people are gossiping behind your back. They don't necessarily have bad intentions; they just can't keep their mouths shut."

"Think about it: what is the Hexagram Gou? It's Qian (Heaven) above and Xun (Wind) below — heaven above, wind blowing below. Wind seeps into every crack; in terms of interpersonal relationships, it corresponds to those unspoken little thoughts and petty gossip. They're not out to harm you; they're just bored. Where there are people, there's society; where there's society, there's gossip. It's perfectly normal."

"Many people panic the moment they encounter interpersonal confusion, but this is actually a great opportunity to practice improving your judgment," the master continued. "Look at this hexagram: you yourself are Qian metal, and those little commotions on the other side are Xun wood. Metal overcomes wood, so you can completely keep them in check. To put it plainly, even if the other party has some petty grievances or mutterings, they can't hurt a hair on your head. The more seriously you take it, the easier it is for you to be led around by the nose."

"Then what should you do when faced with a choice? Should you rush up to confront them, or pretend you didn't see anything?" The master pointed to the text of the changing line: "There is a fish in the bag. No blame. Unfavorable for guests." What does this mean? You hold the initiative in your hands. Just guard your own boundaries well, and everything will be fine. Don't let just anyone into your core circle. For people who pour their hearts out to you or are extra warm to you just a couple of days after meeting, observe them first. Don't reveal all your cards right away. Speaking too deeply with someone you barely know is a major taboo in interpersonal relationships — the ancients had already figured this out thoroughly.

"If you really feel uncomfortable about it, don't blindly guess 'who on earth it is.' The nature of the Hexagram Gou is that the more you care about it, the more it will get on your nerves. Just go about your business and do your own things well — that's better than anything else. Your own aura is steady enough, so those gossipmongers won't dare to really provoke you. Usually, associate more with friends and elders who are open and aboveboard in their conduct. These people are like the noble people in the Hexagram Qian; just standing by your side, idle gossip will automatically detour around you."

"As for the so-called 'difficult problem' of how to deal with it? In fact, there's no 'difficult problem' at all — it's all made up in your own mind," the master said. "Look, the final changed hexagram is Dun (Retreat). It doesn't mean you should run away; it teaches you the wisdom of 'taking a step back' — don't get entangled with bad people and trivial matters, and automatically filter out useless emotions. Those small frictions and petty gossip will dissipate on their own after a while. In the end, they will actually help you sift through your circle of friends, leaving only reliable people behind."

To put it simply, when the ancients consulted hexagrams, they never meant for you to resign yourself to fate. They taught you how to see the situation clearly and make up your mind. In interpersonal relationships, the most useless thing is blind suspicion, and the most useful thing is guarding your boundaries. When you live your life clearly, you don't have to guess whether the people around you are sincere or fake — time will naturally give you the answer.