How to Handle Relationships Well? The Best Connections Are When You Become Someone Everyone Wants to Help — Top Line of Possession in Great Measure Hexagram

How do you handle interpersonal relationships well? It’s a tough question many people are trying to figure out.

Have you ever had this confusion? You feel like you’re bad at relationships. You don’t have many friends, you can’t get along with your colleagues, and you don’t know who to turn to when you’re in trouble. You envy people who seem to have friends everywhere and someone to look out for them no matter where they go.

So you start learning. You learn how to talk, how to give gifts, how to compliment people, how to work your way into social circles. You join tons of WeChat groups, go to countless dinner parties, and collect stacks of business cards.

But slowly you realize: it doesn’t work.

Those people you added on WeChat never message you. Those “friends” you ate with forget who you are the second you part ways. When you actually run into trouble, you scroll through your entire contact list and can’t find a single person you feel comfortable asking for help.

You feel totally defeated. What’s going wrong? Am I not sweet-talking enough? Or am I just bad at schmoozing?

The top line of the *Possession in Great Measure* hexagram — the Nine at the Top — gives us the answer: 「自天祐之，吉无不利。」 (Blessed by Heaven, good fortune, nothing that does not further.)

Blessed by Heaven: It’s Not Luck — You Earned It

The Nine at the Top is the sixth and final line of the *Possession in Great Measure* hexagram.

What’s it like when you reach this line? You have everything — money, status, resources, connections, influence. You’re at the peak of abundance, the absolute top.

What do most people do when they get to this point? They get cocky, they let it go to their head, they start thinking they’re hot stuff.

But the Nine at the Top isn’t like that. It’s a Yang Line in a Yin position — it has strength but doesn’t show off, has status but isn’t arrogant, has everything but doesn’t take all the credit. It stays gentle, yields, and feels grateful.

That’s why it’s “blessed by Heaven” — even Heaven helps and protects it.

Why does Heaven help it? Because it deserves it.

Heaven’s blessing isn’t a random windfall, it’s not luck that comes out of nowhere. It’s the natural result of every step you took being the right one, leading you to this point.

Think about it: what do you go through to get from the Nine at the Beginning of *Possession in Great Measure* all the way to the Nine at the Top?

Nine at the Beginning: Hold your bottom line, don’t make reckless friends or stir up trouble — hardship leads to no blame.

Nine in the Second Place: Have the capacity to carry things, like a great cart bearing its load — you have something to offer but don’t flaunt it.

Nine in the Third Place: Walk the right path, like a lord presenting offerings to the son of Heaven — don’t rely on underhanded tricks.

Nine in the Fourth Place: Know when to hold back, don’t let your abundance swell — you have strength but don’t let it go to your head.

Six in the Fifth Place: Win people’s trust, be sincere in your dealings and carry yourself with authority — everyone respects you.

Only after walking this path step by step to the Nine at the Top do you earn the right to say “blessed by Heaven.”

Heaven’s blessing isn’t luck — it’s something you cultivate, something you build up, something you deserve.

This truth from the Nine at the Top of *Possession in Great Measure* is even clearer when it comes to relationships. Why do some people have others willing to help them everywhere they go? It’s not because they’re good at schmoozing, not because they’re sweet-talkers — it’s because they’re reliable, honest, and valuable.

Dealing with them makes you feel safe, comfortable, like you’re learning something, like you’re getting something out of it. Who wouldn’t want to help someone like that?

When everyone wants to help you, isn’t that exactly “blessed by Heaven”? It’s not some divine intervention — it’s your character, your mindset, your words and actions that naturally draw all the good people and good things to you.

Good Fortune, Nothing That Does Not Further: There’s a Reason Everything Goes Your Way

“Good fortune, nothing that does not further” — it means everything you do works out, every path you take goes smoothly, everyone helps you, all resources flow to you.

Sounds like you’ve got cheat codes on, right?

But if you think about it carefully, it makes sense. When you become a reliable person, a valuable person, someone everyone wants to help — how could anything you do *not* go smoothly?

In your career, people give you resources, make introductions for you, want to work with you.

When you run into trouble, people step in to help, give you advice, quietly pave the way for you.

When you have a great idea, people want to invest in you, join you, help you spread the word.

Tell me — how could someone like that *not* have things go their way?

But a lot of people mix up cause and effect. They think that person is lucky, so everyone helps them, so everything they do works out.

That’s not it. It’s because they first became that kind of person that all the good things came their way.

The image of the Nine at the Top of *Possession in Great Measure* tells us: the essence of relationships isn’t management — it’s attraction.

Learning social tricks, working your way into circles, sucking up to people — all of that is seeking outwardly. Things you seek outwardly are superficial, temporary, unreliable.

What about seeking inwardly? You work on yourself, build up your skills, stand firm in your character, expand your mindset. You don’t have to beg people for help — they come to you. You don’t have to chase connections — connections come to you.

That’s the core logic of “good fortune, nothing that does not further”: when *you* are right, everything else falls into place.

Wen Laoshi often says: stop obsessing over how to build connections all day. First, figure out how to make *yourself* better.

When you have value, connections come naturally. If you don’t have value, no amount of working social circles will help. You don’t force your way into a circle — you reach that level, and the circle naturally accepts you.

Why Some People Have Others Willing to Help Them Everywhere They Go

Let’s talk specifically about what kind of person gets help everywhere they go.

First: reliability.

Reliability sounds simple, but not many people actually pull it off. What does reliable mean? It means if you say you’ll do something, you do it. If you can’t do it, you don’t promise it lightly. When someone gives you a task, you follow through from start to finish, you check in, you wrap things up properly.

Dealing with a reliable person is easy. You don’t have to hover over them, nag them, or worry they’ll drop the ball. You hand them the task, and you can relax.

Who wouldn’t want to work with someone like that? Who wouldn’t want to give them a hand?

Second: honesty and generosity of spirit.

Being honest and generous isn’t being naive. It means you don’t take advantage of others, you don’t benefit at other people’s expense, you don’t scheme and calculate every little thing. When you work with them, you don’t have to worry they’ll cheat you, stab you in the back, or gloat after getting one over on you.

Honest, generous people might seem to take small losses in the short term. But in the long run, everyone wants to be around them. Because people know — dealing with this person, you won’t get the short end of the stick.

Third: gratitude.

When someone helps you, do you remember it? Do you take it for granted, or do you recognize it as a kindness?

With people who know how to be grateful, once you help them, you want to help them again. Because they know a good turn when they see one, they remember what you did, and they’ll pay you back when they get the chance.

What about people who don’t know gratitude? You help them once, they think it’s expected. You help them ten times, they think you owe them. The next time you don’t help, they resent you. Who would dare help someone like that?

Fourth: humility.

They have skills but don’t show off, they have achievements but don’t brag. When you’re with them, they don’t talk down to you, don’t make you feel small. They listen to what you have to say, respect your ideas, and admit when they don’t know something.

People want to teach humble people, help them, give them a leg up. Because when you help them, they don’t act like you owed them — they’re grateful.

What about arrogant people? You help them, and they think it’s all because they’re so great, nothing to do with you. You give them feedback, and they think you don’t know what you’re talking about, that you’re butting in. Who wants to deal with that kind of cold shoulder?

Just these four things: reliability, honesty and generosity, gratitude, humility. They sound like old clichés, but if you actually live by them, you’ll be the kind of person who is “blessed by Heaven.”

If you don’t believe me, look at the people around you who get help everywhere they go — see if they don’t have these traits.

Stop Learning Social Tricks — They Don’t Work

There are so many books and articles out there teaching you how to build connections, how to be popular.

High-EQ chat techniques, rules for managing your network, ten tricks to make people like you — it’s all overwhelming to read about, and exhausting to try to follow.

But let me tell you: all that stuff treats the symptom, not the cause.

Tricks are external — you can fake them. You can fake it for a little while, but you can’t fake it forever. Given enough time, people will always be able to tell if you’re being genuine or putting on an act.

Real popularity isn’t built from tricks — it radiates from who you are as a person.

You don’t have to go out of your way to please anyone, force yourself to fit in with any group, or do things on purpose to make people like you. Just be yourself — but that “yourself” has to be someone reliable, honest, valuable, and humble.

If you’re that kind of person, you don’t have to do anything — people will naturally like you, want to be around you, want to help you.

Why? Because being around you makes them feel comfortable, safe, and like they’re getting something out of it.

That’s what “blessed by Heaven” means — you don’t have to beg for it. What’s meant for you will come naturally.

So stop learning all those social tricks — the more you learn, the faker you come off. Just be a solid person, do your work seriously, and become someone worth helping.

When you get there, you won’t be able to *avoid* being popular.

Final Thoughts

*Possession in Great Measure* moves from “no harm from associations” at the Nine at the Beginning all the way to “blessed by Heaven” at the Nine at the Top — it’s a complete path.

From holding your bottom line when you have no money and no resources, to not showing off as you slowly build up what you have, to walking the right path once you have status, to knowing how to hold back as things get smoother and smoother, to earning everyone’s respect — until finally you reach the point where everyone helps you and everything you do goes well.

That’s not luck. That’s built step by step, through consistent effort.

It’s the same with relationships.

You don’t have to envy people who have lots of friends, a wide network, and people to help them everywhere they go. First, look at how much work they put in behind the scenes, how many qualities they have that you don’t.

Heaven helps those who help themselves. The people Heaven helps are the ones who first help themselves.

When you first get your own life right, connections, friends, mentors — all of it will come. If you don’t get your life right, no amount of searching or begging will help.

Blessed by Heaven, good fortune, nothing that does not further.

Remember: the best network isn’t how many people you know — it’s how many people want to know you. The best relationships aren’t the ones you actively manage — they come when you become the kind of person everyone wants to help.