Fellowship Hexagram Top Line: 3 Key Words to Remember When Traveling Alone

Have you ever traveled far away all by yourself?

Not the kind for tourism, but for business trips, for building a career in a new place, or for living alone in an unfamiliar city. You know no one and have no one to talk to. You eat alone, wander the streets alone, and even when you’re sick, you have to tough it out by yourself.

What did you want most at times like that?

It definitely wasn’t making a fortune or standing out from the crowd. You just wanted someone to chat with, someone to keep you company, just an acquaintance would have been nice.

But when you’re away from home, how many acquaintances can you really have?

This is exactly what the top line of the Fellowship hexagram — the Nine at the Top — talks about.

「同人于郊，无悔」 (Fellowship in the Suburbs, No Remorse)

The Line Text of the Nine at the Top is very short: 「同人于郊，无悔。」

Let’s break it down first. *Tongren* (Fellowship) means meeting fellow travelers. *Yu Jiao* (in the suburbs) means being on the outskirts, outside the city — not in the busy downtown area, and not at home. *Wu Hui* (no remorse) means having no regrets, no misgivings — it is what it is.

Why is the Nine at the Top about fellowship in the suburbs? Look at the full arc of the Fellowship hexagram: the First Line is "fellowship at the gate" — meeting fellow travelers right outside your door; the Six in the Second Place is "fellowship in the clan" — finding kindred spirits among your own people; the Nine in the Fifth Place is "great armies meet and join forces" — when two groups finally rendezvous, the most bustling moment of all.

What about the Nine at the Top? It’s reached the very top, the end of the line. When things reach their extreme, they reverse. When the bustle dies down, people disperse. Everyone goes their own way, chasing their own futures. When you’ve reached the suburbs, where people are few and far between, it’s already good fortune to meet a fellow traveler — and it’s perfectly normal if you don’t.

That’s why it says 「同人于郊，无悔」 — of course it’s great to find like-minded people, but there’s no regret if you don’t. Let’s be real: when you’re away from home, what more can you expect?

When it comes to travel, the Nine at the Top is all about mindset.

A lot of people struggle a lot when they first travel far from home. They feel lonely, wronged, uncared for, and deeply sorry for themselves. They miss home every day, miss their friends, and keep longing for the old days. The more they think about it, the worse they feel — and the worse they feel, the less energy they have for what really matters.

But there’s really no need for that.

This is just how it is when you’re away from home. You can’t hold the outside world to the standards of home, and you can’t expect strangers to treat you like old friends. "At home you rely on your parents; away from home you rely on yourself." That saying is old as dirt, but it’s true.

「同人于郊，无悔」. Get this mindset straight first: when you’re away from home, loneliness is the norm, having no one to help you is the norm, and having to handle everything on your own is the norm. If you meet someone you click with, that’s your good luck. If you don’t, that’s normal too — nothing to complain about.

Once you wrap your head around that, you’ll feel at peace.

When You’re Away From Home, Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously

Why do so many people feel miserable when they’re away from home? It’s not because the conditions are hard — it’s because the psychological gap is too big.

Back home, you might have been the apple of your family’s eye, the center of your friend group, the backbone of your team. Wherever you went, people looked up to you. But once you’re away? Who even knows you? You’re just an ordinary person, no different from any random stranger you pass on the street.

A lot of people can’t handle this gap.

They keep thinking: "I wasn’t like this before. I used to be so popular. Why is no one paying attention to me here? Is there something wrong with me? Are they shutting me out?"

You’re overthinking it.

No one’s shutting you out, and there’s nothing wrong with you. Everyone’s just busy — no one owes you their attention. You just got to a new place, no one knows you. Why would they go out of their way to be nice to you? Why would they主动 make friends with you first?

Fellowship in the suburbs. What’s the suburbs? It’s a place with few people, a quiet place, a place where you have to take care of yourself.

When you move to a new city, a new environment, it’s just like arriving in the suburbs. Don’t expect to have a ton of friends right away, or people being extra nice to you, or some mentor figure sweeping in to help you out. That’s not realistic.

Lower your posture first. Treat yourself like an ordinary person. Do what you need to do: go to work, eat your meals, spend time alone when you need to. Make friends slowly, build relationships gradually, take life one day at a time.

Wen Laoshi often says: "When you’re away from home, keep your posture soft, but keep your backbone hard."

Soft posture means don’t take yourself too seriously, don’t put on airs, don’t wait for others to curry favor with you. Hard backbone means you have to hold onto your own principles, your own bottom line, your own skills. Don’t settle for just any company just because you’re lonely, and don’t let yourself fall apart just because no one’s watching over you.

Master these two things, and you’ll do fine no matter where you go.

Why It Says "No Remorse" Instead of "Good Fortune"

Have you noticed? The Nine at the Top of the Fellowship hexagram says "no remorse", not "good fortune", not "success".

Why? Because the Nine at the Top has already reached the peak. The Fellowship hexagram ends here — go any further and it’s no longer the Fellowship hexagram. It’s like when you’re on a long journey and you reach the suburbs: keep going and you’ll hit the wilderness. Meeting a fellow traveler is a bonus; not meeting one is only to be expected.

That’s why it doesn’t say "good fortune" — it says "no remorse". What does that mean? It means there’s nothing to regret. It is what it is: neither great nor terrible, just middling.

This mindset is extremely important.

A lot of people beat themselves up when they’re away from home: "Why am I doing so badly? Why don’t I even have any friends? Should I never have left in the first place?"

The more you beat yourself up, the more you regret it — and the more you regret it, the more of a failure you feel like.

But really — why did you leave home? You left to get things done, not to make friends. Friends are a side effect, not the goal. If you do your work well, friends will come naturally. If you mess up your work, having a million friends won’t help.

What does "no remorse" mean? It means you gave it your all, you did everything you were supposed to do, and you can accept the result, whatever it is.

You made an effort to meet people, to fit into the new environment, to do your job well. In the end, you don’t have a ton of friends, but you don’t have zero either. Life isn’t booming, but it’s getting by. That’s enough. Nothing to regret.

Life doesn’t have to be full of supreme good fortune and nonstop excitement every step of the way. Some phases are just quiet, just lonely, just meant to be walked alone.

Accept that fact, and you’ll stop suffering.

Three Tips for People Traveling Alone

Drawing from the Nine at the Top of the Fellowship hexagram, here are three tips for people who often travel or live away from home.

First: lower your expectations, and focus on adapting first.

Don’t expect to have friends everywhere and a skyrocketing career the second you arrive in a new place. That’s not realistic. Give yourself three to six months to adjust. During this time, just focus on one thing: getting your life settled.

Make your living space comfortable, get on a regular meal schedule, get the hang of your job, figure out your commute, get to know the neighborhood. Once you’ve got these basics down, your mind will settle. And once your mind is settled, you can think about everything else.

A lot of people can’t adapt to new environments not because the environment is hard, but because they’re too impatient. You’ve only been there three days and you already want to feel right at home? How is that possible?

Second: be proactive, but don’t people-please.

When you’re away from home, you can take the initiative to meet people and make friends — but don’t suck up to anyone.

What counts as people-pleasing? It’s when you委屈 yourself, go along with others, or do things you don’t want to do just to fit into a group. Friends you make that way won’t last, and they won’t be genuine.

Fellowship in the suburbs: even though there aren’t many people around, you don’t have to cling to everyone you meet. If you click, chat more. If you don’t, just nod and go your separate ways. Quality over quantity.

Being alone has its perks too — freedom, peace, no social obligations, no forcing yourself to do things you don’t want to. Living well on your own is way better than squeezing into a group that doesn’t belong to you.

Third: shift your focus back to yourself.

When you’re lonely, it’s so easy to overthink: "Am I a failure? Am I bad with people? Should I never have left?"

Don’t waste time on those thoughts. Pull your focus back, and direct it at yourself. Think about it: why did you leave home? What’s your goal? Did you finish what you needed to do today? Are you a little better than you were yesterday?

Thinking about those things is way more useful than wondering "why doesn’t anyone want to hang out with me".

When do people make friends the easiest? Not when you’re trying hard to make them — but when you’re shining on your own. When you do your own thing well, when you live a full, wonderful, confident life, people will naturally want to be around you.

"When the flowers bloom, butterflies come on their own." That saying is cheesy, but it’s true.

Final Thoughts

The journey from the First Line to the Nine at the Top of the Fellowship hexagram is exactly like the whole process of a person going out into the world to make their way.

At first, you’re full of ambition right outside your door — "going out to meet fellows, who can blame you?" Then you circle around in your own small group — "fellowship within the clan brings humiliation". Along the way you meet all kinds of people and face all kinds of things: disputes, obstacles, choices. After a long struggle, you finally meet true fellow travelers — "first weeping and wailing, then laughing". And in the end? You reach the suburbs, people gradually drift apart, and you still have to walk the road alone — "fellowship in the suburbs, no remorse".

When you’re away from home alone, the scariest thing isn’t loneliness — it’s not being able to accept loneliness.

Once you accept it, loneliness is no big deal. You just do what you need to do, keep moving forward. As you walk, who knows — maybe at the next crossroads, you’ll meet new fellow travelers again.

And if you don’t? That’s okay too.

「同人于郊，无悔」.