How to Find Allies When Isolated: 4th Line of Obstruction Hexagram Guide

In this kind of situation, the Fourth Line of the Obstruction Hexagram in the I Ching (Book of Changes) spells it out perfectly.

Wonder if you’ve ever felt this way—

You haven’t done a single thing wrong,

But the people around you just don’t warm up to you.

No one invites you to meetings,

No one calls you for meals,

No one thinks of you when good things come up,

But when trouble hits, you’re the first one they dump it on.

You can’t wrap your head around it—

I haven’t offended anyone,

My work isn’t bad either,

Why is everyone ganging up to shut me out?

You feel wronged, angry, lonely,

Carrying it all alone,

The longer you hold on, the heavier it gets,

Until you either get pushed out,

Or bottle it all up until you get sick.

What do you do?

Pick a fight with them?

Seems unnecessary, and it makes you look petty.

Just swallow it and keep quiet?

But that feels so憋屈 (stifling and unfair).

There’s a hexagram in the I Ching called Obstruction (Jian / 蹇卦),

Which is all about hardships and obstacles.

Its Fourth Line, the Six in the Fourth Place (六四),

Talks exactly about what to do when you’re isolated and excluded.

The Line Text is just four characters—往蹇来连 (Wang Jian Lai Lian).

Moving forward is hard,

Turn back,

And connect with others.

Put simply—

When you can’t carry it alone anymore,

Don’t force yourself to tough it out,

Go find allies,

People who are on your side,

When you stand together,

It won’t feel that hard anymore.

Why so many people just tough it out when they’re isolated

Let’s be real first—

Being isolated isn’t your fault,

But toughing it out all by yourself until the end?

That’s just not very smart.

After getting shut out, a lot of people’s first reaction is—

I’ll just do my own thing,

Ignore them,

Let’s see who outlasts who.

And what happens?

The longer you tough it out, the more isolated you get,

The more isolated you are, the harder it is to get work done,

Until you either leave, or burn out.

Why does this happen?

Three common mistakes.

First mistake: Thinking asking for help is losing face.

Like if you’re being excluded and still go to people for help,

It makes you look weak, like a failure.

That’s not true at all.

Being able to admit you need help,

And taking the initiative to team up with others,

That’s real smarts, that’s inner strength.

How much is face even worth?

Toughing it out alone until you have to leave?

That’s the real loss of face.

Second mistake: Thinking everyone’s out to get you, and no one will help.

Truth is, not everyone is excluding you.

It’s just the loudest few making all the noise,

Everyone else is probably just sitting on the fence,

Or too scared of getting dragged into trouble to get close to you.

If you take the first step,

You’ll find your allies.

Third mistake: Thinking relying only on yourself is real skill.

No matter how good you are on your own,

You can’t take on a whole group of people.

Knowing how to cooperate, how to build alliances—

That’s real skill.

The greatest generals in ancient warfare weren’t the ones with the best martial arts skills,

They were the ones who were best at teaming up with allied forces.

“Coming to connect” — how exactly do you connect?

The Fourth Line of Obstruction says 往蹇来连 (Wang Jian Lai Lian),

That word “connect” (连 / lian)?

There’s a lot to it.

You don’t just team up with anyone,

And it’s not about forming cliques or small factions.

Connecting has its own rules.

First: Get your feet on the ground first, then look for people.

The worst thing you can do when isolated is panic.

Panic leads to mistakes,

Mistakes make people look down on you even more.

Do your own work well first,

Nail your core responsibilities,

Hold your ground.

When you have value,

Other people will want to stand with you.

No one wants to team up with dead weight.

When you’re steady,

Others won’t dare mess with you easily.

Second: Pick the right people — don’t team up with just anyone.

Who do you look for?

People who share your values,

People who’ve helped you before,

People who have shared interests with you.

Just because you’re being excluded,

Doesn’t mean you grab any random lifeline.

You need to find people who are reliable,

Capable,

And on your side.

When you’re reliable yourself,

You’ll attract reliable allies.

The I Ching says “Line in proper position is solid” (当位实也 / Dang Wei Shi Ye),

That’s exactly what it means—

When you’re in the right place and you’re a solid, genuine person,

You’ll find real allies.

Third: Build your alliance slowly, don’t round up a crowd all at once.

Find one or two allies first,

Get your footing steady.

Then expand slowly,

Find more people who are on your side.

This isn’t about forming a clique to fight others,

It’s about finding a group of reliable people

Who support and help each other out.

With an alliance behind you,

Anyone who tries to exclude you

Will have to think twice.

Three steps to get out of being isolated

Step one: Get steady first.

Don’t panic, don’t spiral, don’t throw yourself off balance.

Do what you’re supposed to do,

Handle things the way you always do.

Do your work well,

Hold your position.

The calmer and steadier you are,

The less they can do to you.

Step two: Find allies.

Don’t tough it out alone.

Reach out proactively to people who are on your side.

Who shares your values?

Who’s helped you before?

Who has shared interests with you?

Find these people,

Reach out, make the first friendly move.

Even a hero needs three helpers,

When someone’s in your corner,

You’re not fighting alone anymore.

Step three: Build your alliance.

One or two allies isn’t enough.

Slowly build up your alliance front.

This isn’t about forming cliques,

It’s about finding a group of reliable people

Who support and help each other out.

With an alliance,

You’ll be solid and steady.

A final word

Being isolated—

It’s hard if you make it hard,

Simple if you make it simple.

The hard way is toughing it out alone,

Getting more and more worn down until you break;

The simple way is reaching out to team up with others,

Carrying it together,

And the hard time won’t feel so hard anymore.

往蹇来连 (Wang Jian Lai Lian)—

Moving forward is hard,

Turn back and connect.

Connecting isn’t giving up — it’s strategy;

Reaching out for people isn’t weakness — it’s wisdom.

当位实也 (Dang Wei Shi Ye)—

When you’re reliable yourself,

You’ll attract reliable allies;

When you stand firm on your own two feet,

Others will want to stand with you.

So come on,

Stop toughing it out all alone.

Look around you—

Chances are, there’s already someone nearby who’s willing to stand in your corner.